The Ultimate Marathon Monday Recovery Guide

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The Tuesday after Patriot’s Day marks an important day in the Bostonian’s year: the day after the marathon, when runners relax after their fruitful efforts and hungover college students up and down Comm Ave cry into their pillows before attending class. Those with the average metabolism may be doing alright by the morning after, but those for whom dartying has longer lasting effects may discover that they are decidedly not feeling it. Raging all day on a Monday has consequences for even the heartiest of MarMon veterans, but luckily, there are plenty of tips for a recovery from Marathon Monday.

Get out of bed in the morning with a cheerful alarm:
It might have been the booze talking yesterday, but it’s definitely the booze talking this morning when you need to get ready for class. No need to worry about sleeping through your alarm as long as you arrange 17 different timers to play “Sweet Caroline” at full volume through your Bluetooth speakers at 8:02 a.m.

It always puts everyone in a great mood at Fenway, so you can be certain that it will have all three of the roommates in your quad (as well as the mystery man in marathon garb on your floor) feeling “so good, so good,” and definitely not in the mood to smack you. Put some pep in your step with the funky tunes as you roll your limp, hungover body out of the bed you forgot was lofted and keep the good times rolling as you hop, skip, and wander aimlessly to class post-MarMon.

Settle your stomach with salty foods:
Don’t let overwhelming waves of nausea kill your weekday vibe! You clearly just need to mellow things down a bit with some mild, salty foods, such as an entire family-sized bag of pretzels or seven boxes of saltine crackers. Who cares if Wikipedia warns that the saltine challenge may “exhaust the saliva in your mouth?” It’s a welcome distraction from the pending overwhelming need to hurl out a fifth floor window at your 8 a.m. in Geddes.

If money’s feeling tight after you splurged to BYO(fancy)B to the streets of Allston on Monday, you can always see how many two-cracker packets of saltines you can snag from one of the soup stations in Bay State or just shove loose Goldfish pretzels into your pockets. Yum!

Remind everyone of the fun:
Remember when you started chugging a Smirnoff in the front yard of a random building in South and wanted to make sure someone “got the shot?” Remember how you totally have an important internship interview tomorrow? You may have selective memory loss and choose to only look to the future, but you can also keep the good times rolling as you nurse a dehydration headache by posting all of yesterday’s pictures to social media. Sure, it would be best if certain images remained strictly limited to finstas and Snap stories, but you’ve got to show your grandkids and future employers how you are “totally the fun one, right???”

Pretend it’s still Monday:
It may be difficult to get away with when you’ve exhausted your supply of unexcused absences in your discussion-based classes, but the best way to recover from Marathon Monday is to pretend that Tuesday doesn’t exist! Sure you have three term papers due in the next week, and yeah, maybe nobody wants to continue to turn up when they have lab until 9:30 p.m., but you’re nothing if not committed to the spirit of the Boston Marathon! Besides, there’s no better way to prove your stamina than to recover from two straight days of daygers on Wednesday, when you’ll have to accommodate for a substitute Monday schedule on top of a pounding headache. Why recover when you can rage?

If these guidelines for recovering from MarMon don’t have you spry as a spring chicken in no time, it may be time to rethink your habits (or, for that matter, where you seek advice for a hangover). Like many of the runners out there, you can persevere if you keep in mind that at the end of it all, you’ll have bragging rights and a finishers medal. On a completely unrelated note, where did you get that medal, anyway?

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