Ghost of Quad Spotted Drunk Outside of Union Harassing Students

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Since the demolition of UIowa’s famed dorm, Quad, last summer the ghost that haunted the building has frequently been spotted drunk and disorderly outside of Union.

According to recent city complaints, the ghost has been reportedly shouting a strange mixture of obscenities and conspiracy theories at passersby. “I walked past him and he said to me, ‘the moon landing was fake and so is your tan.’” said Stephanie Walker, a junior who was trying to have fun on her 21st birthday. 

“It’s more annoying than actually scary.” said Josh Benson, senior English major, who was just trying enjoy his first beer with his father all the while the ghost was singing “The Monster Mash” on karaoke for the one hundredth time. 

We spoke to Josh Graham, a frat boy from Epsilon Epsilon Epsilon, etc. “I go here every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I’m here a lot, but this ghost guy, man, he’s here more than anyone should be. He just plants himself there every night, holding up a sign that says, ‘Will spook for food.’ 

The ghost of Quad has taken residency outside the bar apparently. He has been known to start scuffles with patrons resulting in instances of poltergeist behaviors, or  physical attacks. “If a violent attack happens, we usually handcuff the ghost and keep him in a cell overnight if he gets too rowdy.” Says officer Buckle. “But he’s a ghost and made of ectoplasm, so he can just vanish through the walls. It’s not very effective.”

We spoke to some of the other ghosts around Iowa City as well.

“He’s been taking it really hard,” said the ghost of Horace Mann who haunts the elementary school. They used to haunt the elementary school together and write fun facts on the floor with Elmer’s glue. 

“It’s been pretty difficult for the guy,” said the ghost of the Haunted Bookshop, who throws books at customers as they shop and say, ‘why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?’ “I’ve seen the ghost of Quad at Union, dancing to LMAO. That’s how you know someone’s going through a rough patch.”

All hope is not lost, however, for the ghost of Quad however. With another student residence hall opening up on the east side in a few years, there is hope of him getting back on his feet and getting up to his terrifying shenanigans once again.

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