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4 Reasons to be Thankful You Don’t Go to LSU

There’s a lot to be thankful for as a student at the University of Mississippi. World class academics, great tailgates, Greek life, and a solid bar scene are just a few of the many reasons we’re all so in love with this school. But the greatest thing about going to Ole Miss is the feeling you get when you wake up every morning and say, “Thank God I don’t go to LSU!”

LSU is the scum of the Earth, and here are some reasons why we’re thankful not to attend school there:

4.) They’ve got no class:
And we’re not referring to classes in school. No, we’re talking about the way we carry ourselves. Walk around the Ole Miss campus during a tailgate and you’ll see polo shirts, suits, Sperrys, dresses, and heels. We dress classy. We’re polite. Our bars have a “no sleeveless” policy. When you visit LSU, you feel the need to take a long shower afterwards to wash off all the grime. The tailgates there get so ratchet that the students have to tailgate in a separate location from the rest of normal society. The final score of the game doesn’t matter, because we outclass those Tigers all day.

3.) Their bars suckkkkk:
When Ole Miss students want a night out on the town, they head over to the historic, beautiful Oxford Square. Perhaps, before indulging in drunken fuckery, you might sit down for a nice dinner at one of the many eateries sprinkled between the bars. No matter what you decide to do, it’s way less fucked than Tigerland. Yeah, LSU students refer to their circle of alcohol-serving tin shacks on the side of a depleted highway “Tigerland.” The level of excitement that LSU fans reach just to party in a glorified trailer park is pretty laughable, especially when you’re as privileged as we are not to attend that shithole.

2.) Their campus isn’t quite as beautiful as ours is:
It’s hard to look at any school as being beautiful when you attend the most beautiful campus in the nation. Seriously, check the Princeton Review, Ole Miss is always on the list. But anyways, we have it good. This campus has stunning architecture, varying from new, state of the art facilities, to older, historic halls like the Lyceum. Travel down to LSU, and you’ll see that every building on their campus looks exactly like Lamar, which is hands down the ugliest building at Ole Miss. The only edge LSU might have is their massive football stadium, but with Mississippi’s morbid obesity problem, climbing all those flights would suck anyways.

1.) Location location location:
Baton Rouge is the capital of Louisiana, but might be the armpit of America. No offense to any Ole Miss student who might hail from there, but at least you had the decency to get the fuck out. Who would choose to go to school in an overgrown swamp, with humidity so awful that you have to change clothes every time you walk across campus? Oxford, the perfect, ideal college town, spoils us with its charm. We have small town vibes, but are just an hour removed from city life in Memphis. We have the best of both worlds, LSU has the worst of one world.

It’s an easy conclusion for any sane person to come to that Ole Miss>LSU. Few things in life are worse than State, but LSU might just be one of them. Hotty Toddy.

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