Everyone has been there. All students on this campus went on a UMD tour their senior year of high school. You never think about how different those tour groups look once you’re on the other side, fighting your way out the door, aware of all the stares they give you as if you’re some kind of caged animal. While attempting your escape, you’ll hear all the absolutely wrong facts Images trick their group of incoming freshmen into believing. The Black Sheep has complied a list of the most horrendous lies heard.
5). “This is the front desk, where you’ll go to get all the care packages your family sends you over the course of the semester!”:
Families definitely don’t care enough to send packages every week. They might send you one during finals, or if you’re lucky, maybe during the first few weeks while they still miss you, but all students know that this doesn’t last long. So the next time you hear this said in a tour group, remember not to be deterred that you did not receive a box full of 50 packages of Doritos like your roommate did last week. She’s is the rare exception—you are not alone.
4). “Most residence halls have AC.”:
No, no they definitely do not. You would know since you suffer seven days a week in a dorm that is hotter than hell. You then hear the tour leader mention that if a residence hall doesn’t have AC, then it’ll be getting it installed soon. You know that this is also a dirty lie, since they told you the same thing three years ago. Your mind then goes off on a silent rampage about where all your tuition is going and your day is officially ruined. Those damn tour group life-ruiners.
3). “Don’t worry about being late for class, it only takes 15 minutes to get all the way across campus.”:
We think Images is omitting a crucial piece of information: when do college students ever leave on time?! Where’s our 15 minutes then, Images? It’s more like -2. And if you do leave fifteen minutes before your class in order to get there on time, it won’t be a leisurely walk in the sunshine where you can sing along with the birds and admire the day. Oh no, you’ll be exhibiting an awkward half-speed walk half-run sort of movement where everyone hastily gets out of your way because you’re scaring them. Don’t forget to tell them that they’ll need to pack an extra shirt in their backpacks after sweating so badly, Images.
2). “This is your average residence hall.” *proceeds to show them Queen Anne’s Hall*:
This is such a depressing case of false hope. Going into Maryland, we all worry about what the dorms will be like and then your worries are put to rest when the tour leader shows you such a nice hall. Once move-in day arrives, you realize how big of a lie that was. As a freshman you will not live on South Campus. You will be miserable on North Campus walking the entire length of the campus just to get to your classes each day. Make sure you give yourself at least 15 minutes to get there, though!
1). “Nite Ride will pick you up wherever you are!”:
If there was a reward for the most absurd lie ever told, Images would win it in a heartbeat. We all know that if you’re within a mile of a bus stop, Nite Ride ain’t pickin’ yo ass up since apparently there’s no chance of getting attacked while you’re walking that mile to the bus. Only one mile for a student to walk at 3 a.m is definitely a good indication that Nite Ride doesn’t need to do their job.
Every student walking by a tour group who hears one of these can’t help but roll their eyes and refrain from screaming a crazed, “LIARS!” and pointing an accusatory finger at the group leader. We hope this trend of lies changes soon so that the students walking by don’t lose their shit, as there is a fine line of sanity in college where anything could tip the balance. Images certainly doesn’t help to keep that peace.
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