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9 Things Miami Students Think When Encountering Tour Groups

 

With tour group season in full swing, most of us have had at least a few encounters with a gaggle of perspective students and their families. If you look closely you’ll see that almost every tour is pretty much the same, committing the same Miami no-nos, and doing the same annoying things. The Black Sheep has read your mind and compiled a list of our internal monologues upon meeting a throng of prospective students and their parents, and we’re sure you can relate.

 

9.) Why are they walking so slow??:
“God, I’m so fucking late. Shit shit shit..UGH. TOUR GROUP. Let’s goooooooooooo…..IT’S A BEAUTIFUL CAMPUS, WE GET IT. MOVE ALONG, SOME OF US HAVE CLASS.”

 

8.) Do you really need to take a picture of that?:
“Ooooh! Look at that tree” *snap* “Woah! Brick building!” *snap*Sundial!!!!!!!!” *snap* “Family photo by the seal! Family photo under Upham arch!” *snap* *snap*

 

7.) God, I’m so glad I wasn’t like that:
“Ugh…these kids are so weird. I was nothing like them. They’re trying SO hard to be cool. I was so lowkey on my tour…everyone probably thought I went here already and just got stuck in the group on the way to class.” 

 

6.) What the HELL are you wearing?:
“Really dude? Cargo shorts? Do you know NOTHING about this school?” “She’s obviously done her research, riding boots, leggings, vest and scarf. It’s kind of basic though.” “Future frat star spotting. We don’t rush until the spring here bud…you can chill.”

 

5.) Wow how old is that frat bro… oohp, never mind, that’s a dad:
“That dad is basically leading the tour group. Sir, you don’t go here anymore. Please cool it. The entire campus doesn’t need to hear about how you were the social chair of TKE in 1990. We don’t care. You’re old now.”

 

4.) Who the f*ck is yelling  right now it’s 9 a.m.:
“OOOOOOOH! HONEY! GO STAND IN FRONT OF THE SUNDIAL SO I CAN TAKE A PICTURE! THIS IS GOING TO LOOK SO NICE ON MY FACEBOOK!” *says silent prayer for her annoyed ass kid*

 

3.) Wait, where am I, what is this? Daycare?:
“Why in the hell did you think it was a good idea to bring all 7 of your kids onto this college campus? Why are you letting them run around? They’re acting like the squirrels. Oh god, no, now they’re chasing the squirrels. That one’s about to fall out of a tree. I’m never having kids. Never ever.”

 

2.) PLEASE MOVE:
“Nooo oh my god no ANOTHER DAMN tour group! Why do they make them walk in groups of groups. What is the point. SERIOUSLY WHY. By the time I get to Armstrong the line at Miami Ice is gonna be so long… this has got to be a joke.”

 

1.) Awwww
“I remember when that was me…aw…so young, so hopeful, so scared. You can do it guys! If you just learn how to walk like normal people, and buy some Tory Burch and Vineyard Vines, you’ll fit in perfectly! Little bubs…come be our friends!”

 

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