College is all about the three Cs: classes, comfort and cheap vodka. Don’t Cs get degrees? The Black Sheep decided why not combine all three and wear a comfortable onesie to your classes, and then out for the night where you’ll be downing the cheap vodka until you don’t think it’s that bad anymore. One of our writers recently spent an entire day wearing a onesie from Zooop it Up and documented it all for, you know, journalism. If the entire campus isn’t wearing onesies to classes after this then you’re all crazy. Not only are they comfortable for class, but for nights out at the bars, days spent hung over and showing off your school pride at tailgates. Just imagine how perfect they would be for Breakfast Club.
11:30 AM: The day only just started but so far the best part about waking up in the onesie is that since I saved so much time getting ready, I now actually have time to eat a breakfast of champions: Cinnamon Toast Crunch and chocolate milk. I can already tell it’s going to be a good day.
11:55 PM: I also now have time to stop by Starbucks on my way to class. This day just keeps getting better.
12:15 PM: Every few seconds I keep realizing how amazed I am by how comfortable the onesie is. I can’t believe I haven’t been wearing one my entire life. Turns out, my teacher loves the onesie and insists on taking a picture. I’m way too comfortable to be embarrassed.
1:20 PM: It turns out onesies are a great conversation starter. Some very tall athlete told me he wants a Hoosier onesie and a girl in the bathroom asked me where I got my “jumpsuit.”
1:35 PM: A group of people tells me that I look really comfortable. It’s like they were reading my mind because I was just having one of my epiphanies about how amazingly comfortable this onesie is. Seriously guys, so comfortable.
1:45 PM: Quick study session in the Union before class. The onesie is perfect to stay comfortable (have I mentioned it’s comfortable?) while studying… maybe too comfortable because my studying resulted in a quick nap. I discovered the hood zips up all the way so I can nap peacefully without anyone knowing it’s me. I’m definitely not one of those people who nap on the couches. Bonus, I can also scare the shit out of people because it’s absolutely terrifying. Maybe this can be a Halloween costume?
2:15 PM: Time for my last class and $3 Thursdays to officially begin.
9:01 PM: The pregame officially begins and I’m still in the Onesie. I’ve officially declared that I’m never wearing anything else.
9:25 PM: One of my friend’s has reached a level of drunk where he willingly asks if he can wear my other onesie. He’s working it.
9:30 PM: The onesie has not ripped yet. It is invincible.
9:44 PM: The pockets on the onesie are the best things to ever happen to me. I can fit everything. Can I fit a handle?
9:45 PM: The pockets cannot fit a handle.
10:40 PM: My group of friends collectively decides it’s time to leave for the bars. They make my friend and I walk in front of them because they’re embarrassed by the onesie duo.
10:42 PM: Joke’s on them because everyone loves their onesies. We’re making friends, taking pictures with randos, and planning out all the free shots we’re totally going to be offered. Everyone wants to know where the onesies are from and I quickly think to myself that I should’ve made cards to pass out so I don’t have to keep repeating “Zooop It Up.” Started showing people the label on the zipper instead.
10:47 PM: It starts raining while we’re waiting in line and the onesie comes in clutch with the hood. People behind them say they’re jealous.
10:55 PM: My friend orders Vegas bombs and explains that the Red Bull cancels out the effects of the vodka so really they don’t even make you drunk but just wake you up. Not sure where he heard this but it’s starting to sound legitimate. Turns out we won’t be getting any free shots but the bartender offers to take our picture for free.
11:05 PM: I lost my friend and am currently hanging out alone in my onesie.
11:08 PM: Found my friend in the middle of a group of girls. Apparently, girls love onesies.
11:30 PM: Decided a dance off sounds like a really good idea. Turns out onesies are perfect for dancing. What aren’t they perfect for? Nothing. They are literally perfect for any and every occasion.
11:45 PM: This onesie is a sweat machine. Maybe 80 degrees is too hot for the onesie, I don’t know. If only it was Saturday, this would be perfect for tailgate. Decide that we will bring back the onesies for tailgate.
11:47 PM: #sweating
11:48 PM: Onesies are very versatile. I’ve designed a half-zipped, tied around the waist style that reminds me of parachute pants. I’m channeling my inner early-90’s and that it’s only improving my dance moves.
11:50 PM: Promise my friends that I’ll stop dancing.
12:00 PM: Is the Big Cheeze working tonight? It’s time for Big Cheeze.
12:30 PM: Passed out still wearing my onesie. I bet this will make a perfect hangover outfit…