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Beginners’ Guide to Kale

Kale is the newest fad that’s taken the sophisticated population by storm, but what even is “kale?” Is it spinach? Is it decoration for Pizza Hut’s salad bar? You may be surprised to hear the answer to those two questions is no! Here are a few tips for helping to understand this confusing new trend. 


First of all, it should be made clear that kale is a food. While not quite the same as spinach, kale is also green and a leaf. Other green leaves include lettuce and the green leaves found on trees such as oak and maple, but not like on pine. Kale is not like pine needles.


As a food, kale is used for eating in a variety of ways. Kale can be baked into chips as a healthy alternative to the dull potato, sautéed with garlic to create an adorable side dish, and even blended with other fruits and veggies into a super smoothie! You may be saying to yourself, “I can do that with fish as well. Is kale a fish?” Kale is not a fish.


One creative kale idea is a kale quiche. This easy recipe is quick and great for parties or small get-togethers. All you have to do is make a quiche but instead of adding spinach you just add kale instead — how simple! Your guests will be raving about your stylish meal. “This is so good, and you are a smart and kind person that other people like. What is your secret?” they’ll ask. “Kale,” you’ll say with a wink, and everyone will laugh.


While kale is a food, the fun doesn’t have to stop there. Kale is also great for decoration and serves a number of practical purposes. Here’s one wacky but playful example: first, break up a piece of raw kale into tiny bits. Then, coat the rim of a glass with an adhesive substance (a thick coating of peanut butter or saliva will do!) and stick the kale bits to the rim of the glass to create a margarita-esque drinking experience. Any extra kale bits can be sprinkled around the home for some added pizazz! Do not eat the kale that you have sprinkled around the home for some added pizazz.


Kale is a soft and gentle leaf, and is therefore kind to the human skin. For this reason, kale is very useful in promoting good hygiene and a clean home. Replace those enemies-to-the-environment napkins that have been taking up tons of space in your kitchen with the environmentally friendly alternative, kale! Raw kale is very absorbent, and can clean up any mess. Whether wiping a smidge of pasta sauce off of the delicate cheek of a toddler or sopping up major spills like an overturned gallon of milk, make kale your new go-to mess eraser. When you see other people using napkins, make sure to tell them they could be using kale instead, like you do. “You are so wise, and beautiful,” they will reply, tears welling up in their eyes.


Kale — with all of its nutritional, decorative, and practical purposes — might seem intimidating. While apprehension towards kale is understandable, it can be overcome with time and practice. Kale does not need to be rushed into, but can be slowly adapted to, one step at a time. Let kale into your life and see for yourself how kale made its way to the top. Trust kale, give kale a chance, and reap the rewards of opening your heart to this beautiful leaf. Kale is love. Kale is truth. Kale is glory.


Praise Kale for it is Lord.


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