It’s a well known fact that Family Weekend is three full days of students pretending to be the golden children, the apple of their parents’ eyes, and, most of all, not the drunken, procrastinating, sleeping-in-until-only-god-knows-when college students we really are. However, with Hurricane Joaquin brooding over our shoulders and bringing on an onslaught of rain, wind, and overall crap-tastic weather, Family Weekend seemed to have just been full of parents trying too hard to make the best of a bad situation when all their respective students wanted to do was lay in bed and watch Netflix (no, not Netflix and chill. FWBs are to stay far FAR away when the family comes out to play!)
With the weather being so miserable, most scheduled events were moved indoors, which allowed for plenty of awkward parent bonding with the family of another student that you’ve never seen before, but will undoubtedly make awkward eye contact with on the mall an outrageous amount of times while pretending not to know each other at all during the rest of your four years here at UMD. Any trips you out-of-staters had planned into D.C. to possibly avoid these awkward situations are now out of the question as well, because not only was your family already questioning the extremely over-priced and under cared-for D.C. M<etro, now they really don’t want to be stared at by the creepy guy from the corner of the train while soaking wet and potentially freezing after a riveting hurricane tour of the mall.
Nonetheless, there are still some parents determined to get the most bang for their buck by participating in events such as tailgating, which seemed like such a good idea before the football game time got moved to noon, and you realized that you’d be standing in the rain at 9 a.m. AND couldn’t even drink to cope because your family was there (they don’t know that you and your friends have kegs and eggs to start drinking at 6 a.m. before every home game and they will never know if you can help it). The football game was filled with head-shaking fathers whose disapproval could not be hidden when they realized that the reason there were more Michigan students than Maryland students was because we just go for the free shirts and MAYBE the first quarter (if we consider ourselves truly dedicated), and because “Back in his day,” they obviously had wayyyy more school spirit than we do now (totally not true by the way, sorry we weren’t alive to ride our dinosaurs to the games when Maryland was actually a competitor in our conference).
As we said our heartfelt goodbyes on Sunday afternoon, we once again realized how much we do miss our mom making our beds, making or taking us out for food that doesn’t smell mysteriously like dog (we are looking at you dining hall), and giving us those hugs that are just slightly warmer than any other we could get from our friends. We love you families and we will see you around Thanksgiving! Now, get ready for next weekend ladies and gents. We have some lost time of turning up to make up for. May the guest lists be ever in your favor, and, when in doubt, just say you know Michael (there’s always a Michael).