The warm weather, piña coladas and pretentious tropical-paradise Instagram posts are approaching, we all know what this means ECU, SB2K16! Now’s the time to focus on the main thing we have been pushing on the back burners, our perfect bikini bods. Here are four simple steps on attempting to get that body on ECU’s Campus.
Step 1.) Mendenhall Lunges
Make the steps in front of Mendenhall your best friend. They really do have some fine options to work out the booty. Fully equipped with the sturdiest bricks, who cares if you look like an idiot doing lunges right in the middle of campus on three measly steps? Some of the steps are even in front of the windows, so you can give everyone in 360 an idea of what determination looks like. But this will only work if it’s not busy outside. Do you want to be that student who cuts Dean Smith off, making them fall not down, but up those three steps, giving her a broken ankle? Ouch.
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Step 2.) Work Out in Brewster D-109
Nothing says calmness like a nice work out in the middle of your Health 1000 class in Brewster. Sometimes improvisation is key when we don’t have time to make it to Student Rec, or even the steps of Mendenhall. Try your very own desk and chair as a piece of 3 in 1 work out equipment. First, lean back in your chair for stretches. Next, work the arms by raising each hand back and forth; this could really piss your professor off because she’ll want you to answer the question she just asked, so be quick in arm movement. Last, but not least, use your arms to support your body and push it up and down in the air, balancing on top of your desk. Peers may wonder why you’re trying these new gymnast-like abilities, but it could show your professor your enthusiasm for class as you break a sweat in the process. You may only get five, ten if you’re lucky, minutes of this workout before you’re kicked out for disruption. No participation grade for you this week, but don’t let that discourage you from the last step to getting the good bod.
Step 3.) Hike to Greenville Point’s Sweet Frog
Imagine this, your stomach growls and all the sudden you have an intense craving for a bag of Cheetos. You know you don’t need them, but they look so inviting and let’s be honest one bag isn’t going to hurt, right? Next, you go to Joyner and want Starbucks, you notice a perfectly sculpted Cupcake Pop in the window. You must have it; just one can’t ruin your diet completely and you can’t just leave the last Cupcake Pop sitting there alone to die. Wait…this shouldn’t be you. So grab a friend and hike from the West End of campus to Sweet Frog off campus. The only things in your sacks are water and a few dollars for a small cup of yogurt. You both look ridiculous in your gear, but this is last minute survival ethic for the break! Plus, it’s the most walking you’ve done since you started attending ECU. At the end of the day, when you hike all the way back after having that one bowl of plain vanilla frozen yogurt, with no toppings, you weight yourself and see you haven’t lost one pound. This diet thing wasn’t as easy as you thought it was.
Once completing these steps, we have a bonus step for you:
Step 4.) Final Realization
Achieving your perfect beach bod in less than a week at ECU is every pirate’s dream. But after all of that effort placed into the deadline of fitting into a smaller swimsuit will be ruined with broken ankles, annoyed professors and classmates, and flavorless yogurt, causing you to throw your new work out schedule out the window. It’s impossible to achieve your goal. But it’s the thought that counts, right? Or is it just the bathing suit that counts? Just remember, bathing suits are normally made of Nylon, which means it can stretch to great lengths. Don’t stress about the frumpy, Pirates. Just keep doing what you do best at ECU. Cram for Bio 1015 exams while you stuff your face in Chik-fil-A’s waffle fries. Better luck next spring break!