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7 Tips For Showing up Drunk to Your Final Exam at Western

It’s a stressful time of year for students across the country, including us Broncos at Western. For some, drinking can be the only outlet to escape finals. Showing up drunk probably isn’t a good idea for most people, but should you end up in the scenario, The Black Sheep has you covered.

DO fill your WMU sustainability mug with Grey Goose:
You know your professor didn’t teach you anything on this final anyway; you might as well have fun failing it. For an extra kick, add Red Bull to give you goose wings.

DON’T throw up on your exam:
Captain Morgan can’t fill in your Scantron for you, no matter how much pressure you put on the poor man. You’re better off filling in the bubbles in the shape of a Solo cup.

DO announce your presence when you enter the classroom:
Everybody wants to know who the big man on campus that has the guts to show up to class with flask in his back pocket. Let ‘em know!

DON’T hit on the professor mid-exam:
No, they don’t want to grab Sweetwater’s with you in the middle of your Spanish final. This is a bad move sober, and a worse when they can smell PBR on your breath.

DO slip the TA a Bud Light Lime:
They probably have the answer to number 7. And if they don’t, now you got rid of your shitty Bud Light Lime.

DON’T phone a friend for help during the test:
Despite the lights and the hundred or so people in your lecture hall, Sangren Hall is not the site of a revival series of Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

DO try to get a beer pong game going:
Your classmates will thank you later for spicing up the essay portion of the test at Parkview, and you could get your professor and TA will get in on the next game.

It’s not as hard as it sounds. Some of us just need a little extra help to drag ourselves across the snowy hills of Kalamazoo to get to the exam on time. Take comfort in knowing that it will all be over soon. Just be smart, be safe, and ace those!

Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to our podcast!

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