Finals are fast approaching, so it’s time to change your diet of dining hall pizza and ramen to Adderall and Red Bull. Since you can’t afford screwing up finals, you need a studying spot where you can actually get shit done. Here are the worst and best places to study at Rutgers:
Don’t Study at the Art Library:
This library is the absolute worst. Surrounded by books and pretentious art majors, you’ll feel obligated to dismiss Wikipedia as the prime source for your final papers and use the reference books instead. The silence in the Art Library will force you to actually listen to your own thoughts. And before you know it, you’ll be interpreting street art wearing thick, black-framed glasses and a Burberry scarf with a dark gray peacoat on while sipping on chai from Hidden Grounds.
Do Study on the B Bus:
Why study at a library when the most diversity and knowledge can be found on a Rutgers bus? Eavesdrop on white girls Brittany and Taylor discussing how Brian prefers doggystyle—and just like that your review for your Gender, Race, and Sexuality course is taken care of! And because the buses are always crowded, you’ll constantly have the body heat from a 200-pound freshman pushed up against you to keep nice and toasty while studying. Sit in the rotating seat in the middle of the bus for some extra studying fun.
Don’t Study at the Rutgers Business School:
Don’t even think about coming here. The chic furniture, the minimalistic architecture, and the bold color scheme are completely irrelevant when it comes to a good study spot. And the view is simply disappointing and inconvenient, especially during sunset. The sunshine creates a glare on your computer screen and the different colors are just obnoxious. Try a little less Mother Nature; maybe then you can sit with us.
Do Study in the Lobby of Metzger Hall:
We know you want a spot where the view consists only of plastered walls and empty chairs. The chairs were donated from the Psych Department after an experiment involving clowns caused a group of frat guys to soil themselves and the chairs they were sitting on. Metzger residents were so excited for these chairs since the previous seating option were beanbags from the 70s with bunches of pubic hair in their crevices. These stained chairs are definitely an upgrade so make sure you hit up this spot next week.
Don’t Study at Douglass Student Center:
You’re making a huge mistake studying here because the comfy seats, fireplace, and overall homey feel just seem too perfect. There’s definitely something off about this study spot. All that’s missing is a GILF in an ugly Christmas sweater with gingerbread cookies and this place would become the setting of a college version of Hansel and Gretel. Study at your own risk, but don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Do Study on the Floor of the Life Sciences Building:
The feeling of your ass cheeks growing numb from the cold, marble flooring is the encouragement you need to continue your trek to the end of finals. As you sit in the middle of enlarged microscopic life forms, you’ll feel like one of them: free to do whatever you want because the world is your petri dish but the feeling that someone’s always watching forces you to stay put and continue studying. This spot will ensure you success and an ass ready for four weeks of warmth this winter break.
Only you can decide where your study sessions will take place, so choose wisely, your life literally depends on it. Good luck and Godspeed.