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Tornado Destroys East Cleveland Avenue, No One Notices

Late Saturday evening, a massive tornado caused extensive structural damage and destruction to a number of rental houses as it traveled along East Cleveland Avenue; however, none of East Cleveland’s residents noticed the damage that had occurred around them. Tenants in the area claim the gale winds moved various things around, but the general vicinity looks just as dilapidated and messy as before.


“My house is right next to the train tracks, so when I heard a roaring sound in the middle of the night, I assumed it was the train passing by as usual,” explained UD junior Kimmy Thomas. “I’m sure there was damage, but my house looks just as shitty as it’s always looked.”


The Town of Newark estimated the cost of the damage caused by this freak cyclone at approximately $10 million. While this figure is startling, it should be noted that the Town of Newark had also estimated the cost of urgent structural and hardware repairs still unfulfilled by landlords to be well over $17 million.


No injuries were reported as a result of the tornado, but one Blue Hen went a full 48 hours without so much as noticing the tree that had fallen onto his already dilapidated house.


“I was chilling eating some ramen in my kitchen when I got a knock on the door from a cop, “ said UD senior Anthony Magrino. “He asked me if I noticed the massive tree protruding into my kitchen, but I actually didn’t notice until he pointed it out. I guess it kind of blended in.”


While news stations throughout the rest of Delaware reported extensively on the occurrence of a devastation tornado, local stations based out of Newark neglected to even mention the cyclone’s existence in their hourly news cycles. The university also failed to send out a mass UD Alert to all of its students warning them of the impending storm out of simple neglect of the area.


“If anything, it would probably help,” said a representative.

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