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When A Terp’s Procrastination Level Reaches an All-Time High

 

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Every Terp has those days when they’re just not feeling it, which is perfectly normal. You’re allowed to have shitty days when you push off your homework until tomorrow. You’re allowed to pout and cry and yell at inanimate objects. The Black Sheep sympathizes with your struggle to resist falling to the dark side, so we have created list of the five stages of procrastination for your safety.

 

Stage 1:  Your Netflixing is Top Priority

 

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Homework? Nah. You’ve never heard of such an atrocious, life-sucking word. Your daily thoughts consist of when you can get home to watch Netflix, experiencing Netflix separation anxiety when you’re not home, and contemplating whether or not it’s normal that you flew through all three seasons of House of Cards in two days. But then you remind yourself that it doesn’t even matter because there’s no such thing as homework. You’re only here for Camp College, obviously.

 

Stage 2: Sleep Deprivation Has Become a Foreign Concept to You

 

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Even if you’re not tired, you decide that anytime is the perfect opportunity to nap. Your roommates have grown accustomed to walking in at 5p.m., seeing you bundled in a plethora of blankets in your dark cave of a room. You find it entirely plausible that you’ll wake up feeling refreshed and ready to start on some homework, but then your “power nap” turns into a 5-hour hibernation where you’re dead to the world. Needless to say, you never touch your homework.  But it’s okay, you were really tired.

 

Stage 3: You Become More Observant

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In your pathetic lump of sadness on the floor, you think to yourself how you never noticed that blotch on the ceiling before. You start to think of yourselves as friends, and lie down on the floor just to stare at that dot when you’re avoiding homework. He’s your go-to pal when you’re feeling sad or need to express some deep thoughts. Others in this stage have even gone as far as to name it. We hope you’re not that deep in with George yet.

 

Stage 4: The Obsessive Cleaner in You Comes Out

 

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Don’t like cleaning? Now you do. In fact, you find it absolutely necessary to reorganize your entire room in one sitting. After you’re done with that, you realize that your closest just has to be color-coordinated right this instant or you’ll lose your sanity. Might as well organize your roommate’s too and make her bed and fold her laundry—you’ve got all the time in the world. It’s really bad if you wash all your dishes after those two weeks of ignoring them like you do with your homework. 

 

Stage 5: You ACTUALLY Went to Eppley

 

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This is bad. This is the point where you’re so in over your head that you literally reevaluated your life to the point where you actually went to Eppley. Even when you decided it would be your semester goal to go to the gym every day, it never happened. You were either too busy or too lazy to take the “hike” to the gym, regardless of where you’re located on campus. Obviously your schedule didn’t get any less busy in the last week, nor did you get any less lazy. If your procrastination is so strong that it surpassed these obstacles then you need medical help.

 

Procrastination is a hard battle to win. Sometimes you just have to give into it and try again the next day, however, this is a delicate balance. Other times procrastination will grab you by the balls and make you its bitch. You’ll start to exhibit the previous stages and as long as you don’t go past stage two, then there’s still hope for you. We pray for all you poor souls who can’t find you way out and hope that you at least survive the semester without going into academic probation.

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