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Where IU’s Wealthy Donors Should Donate Money

Indiana University’s Lilly Family School of Philanthropy recently completed a survey asking wealthy households where they donate their money, and found that majority of loaded people donate their money to “education.” To any IU student who’s walked down the halls of the newly renovated Kelley School of Business or heard about the $40 million dollar donation to Assembly Hall, this finding doesn’t come as much of a surprise.

 

However, if you’re not a business major hoping to become the next Mark Cuban, or a talented basketball player that could rival Isiah Thomas Cody Zeller, you’re probably thinking the higher ups could use some input on where they invest these donations — they’ve clearly never tried printing on a campus computer. That’s where we come in; The Black Sheep has five ideas that make more sense for these donations to “education” than VIP boxes in Assembly Hall.

 

5.) Ballentine stairs.
Whoever donates money to installing an elevator in Ballentine will be a hero to all students on campus. Better yet, tear down Ballentine and start over with only elevators and escalators. They don’t even have to go anywhere and it’d still be money better spent than funding economics professors monthly trip to Night Moves.

 

4.) Computers that compute.
This is a crazy concept, but if anyone feels like giving his or her money to a good cause, students would immensely benefit from a computer that could turn on, load the desktop, and complete any type of computer task in less than an hour. Think of what we could do academically when computers in the lab don’t randomly shut off in the middle of writing an essay!

 

3.) Printers that print.
Along with the computers, once students have waited 10 years to finally send their paper to print, the challenge of finding a printer is next. Whether the printer is jammed, out of ink, or decided to take the day off, the entire process of printing averages out to impossible.

 

2.) Wi-Fi.
It’s unclear if Indiana has Internet that is simply so secure even its students can’t use it, or if IU Secure is actually that shitty of an Internet. Either way, something needs to be done and maybe it’s going to take a hefty donation to make that happen — think of all the routers you could buy with $40million! So many routers!

 

1.) Parking.
Indiana tore down its parking lot and put up a whole shitload of meters. If you can’t figure out which parking pass you actually need, the parking lot useful to you is now a building (looking at you, Well’s parking lot). Or if you’re a modern day human and don’t carry around quarters wherever you go, you’re pretty much screwed if you want to park anywhere in Bloomington. Let’s take half of that donation to Assembly Hall and hand out free parking passes for all!

 

Donations to education are a wonderful thing and students are very grateful. But next time you’re writing that check, think about taking your donation to the next level and follow through with one of these ideas.

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