5 High Thoughts Every NAU Student Has at the Beginning of Summer

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It goes without saying, but after the turmoil of finals we all just need some time to smoke a big ol’ fucking bowl. As the stress of campus life has yet to wear off completely, some residual worries and wonders will still linger. Here are five thoughts that may pop into your mind during that first smoke sesh of the summer.

5.) “Where will I store my extra flannels if they take my dorm key?”:
Like, whereeee? I already paid rent, and no one’s living there right now except the past. Would it really be bothering anyone? I wonder if I can start a flannel trading group out of my new appartment?

4.) “What if I didn’t actually pass my Forestry class and I now have to drop out of school?”:
I’m pretty sure I went to that  final, right? Wait, maybe I was in a weed-coma the whole week. What if I dreamt it? You know what, that would explain why there were questions about bunnies mating on the exam.

3.) “Do we get to keep those foam/ inflatable axe things from the football games, like, forever?”:
I don’t wanna jump to any conclusions, but what if those things have like tracking devices in them, and Rita uses them to keep tabs on us? I mean, it has to cost the school a fortune. Brb, gonna go burn mine.

2.) “Aw, I hope the campus preacher doesn’t think I hate him cause I laughed at him that one time.”:
I mean, I definitely don’t like him but. Maybe if I tell my mom I got yelled at about my sins almost every week, she’ll think I’ve actually become a decent person while away. She’ll be so proud!

1.) “If I get a lizard tattoo on my ass, will Rita think I have a crush on her?”:
Maybe I could get some ink of Rita’s lizard babies as a form for devotion and she’ll just love me enough to pay for the rest of my tuition. But like, do I really want that kind of attention from someone that slimy? But wait, will she buy me Fratteli’s?

While some of these are valid concerns, and many could use some administrative addressing, don’t let the paranoia get to you! Enjoy your time off, away from all of the construction and Rita’s evil lizard claws.

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