Embrace Global Warming by Hanging a Hammock in these 7 Places at BU

author-pic at Boston University  

Boston is warming up this week, with temperatures creeping up into the sixties on Thursday. Embrace the unpredictable fluctuations of heat that are leaving many students wishing they hadn’t left their coral, thigh-length shorts at home for the winter; take advantage of the tropical environment and whip out your hammock in any location on campus! Having trouble deciding where to lackadaisically sip convenience store rum from a plastic coconut on a weekday? Here are seven suggestions of locations where you can hang your hammock!

7.) The BU Seal:

This is great way to be on the seal without actually touching it, thus not actually enacting ~the curse~. You can veg out right in Marsh Plaza, sucking in those spiritual vibes like a FitRec smoothie and blocking the path of thousands students and staff just trying to get to class. They will definitely enjoy the precious second you added to their commute, especially during the high-traffic fifteen minute periods of insanity which break up the day. Just you, your hammock, and your laid-back vibe gently hanging above a cursed campus landmark while crowds of people rush by… What could possibly go wrong?

6.) Mugar Library:

Don’t be too loud while snapping those carabiners and tying those cords, or else you might, oh god, Draw Attention to Yourself, which you Definitely Aren’t Trying to Do! Hanging out with the books…it’s almost like you’re a human book hanging out on your hammock shelf. Bonus points if you read a really pretentious philosophy book while chilling in your human bookshelf, occasionally shouting “Proust,” “Socrates,” or “I’m totally reading right now!” to notify the library that you belong in the reserve room or research center.  

5.) An Allston Frat:

You’ve heard of frackets, but do you know about frammocks? Spend another $80 on an extra hammock specifically to bring to frats each weekend, and make sure it matches your white converse so you can guarantee to keep it clean. All the frat boys of Kappa Sigma will appreciate your handiness and outdoorsy interests at those ragers, for sure. Looking to show them who’s boss? Do a kegstand in your hammock and amp up the fun by convincing the frat to set up pong within your hammock’s reach so you can play too!

4.) Commonwealth Avenue:

There exists on the face of this earth no better place to get in touch with nature than Commonwealth Avenue, with the exception of basically anywhere else on the planet. Nevertheless, the busiest street on campus is certainly a valid option for hammock hanging on an unseasonably warm February afternoon. If you play your cards right, you can dangle above the street from the stoplight right in front of Warren, granting you easy access to Starbucks and City Co if you get thirsty or want some snackies. Just know that trains pass through there on occasion (every eight minutes) but really, it’s no big deal!

3.) The Recreational Pool at Fitrec:

It will almost be like you’re on a tropical island, hanging out by the sea. Getting lapped up by the chlorinated pool water, err, ocean water, the rays of the fluorescent lights, umm, sun, keeping you warm. How exotic! The many exercising students within your view can make you feel like you are the protagonist of some angsty dystopian novel about human exercise slaves. Also, a great place to watch swim meets because you can be right in the middle of the action.

2.) Bay State Dining Hall:

The aroma of poorly replicated ethnic cuisines is so soothing, and the ambient noises of clashing pots and pans and hundreds of different conversations are sure to put you in a relaxed state. The color scheme makes you feel like you are lounging inside a giant, hollow pear. There is even some fruit water to make you feel like you’re in a spa. A huge, pear-colored spa, full of college-age children, that is.

1.) The Indoor Track at Fitrec:

It’s just the perfect width for hanging a hammock. Nobody goes up there anyway, right? Running is hard, so no fool in their right mind would do it in circles. You’re fine, just set it up. No one’s gonna crash into you; you have nothing to worry about. OH SHIT JUST KIDDING LOOK OUT!

Get your St. Pat’s shirt now before it’s too late!

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