How 8 Different Types of Insomnia Cookies Describe The Pain of Cornell’s Prelim Season

author-pic at Cornell  

Prelim season is upon us. A not-so-wonderful time full of hard work, resilience, regret, energy drinks, existential crises, failure, and self-loathing. These 8 delicious cookies from Insomnia not only sound delicious, but will remind you that you should be studying.

Chocolate Chunk:

An old-time classic that a majority of humans with taste buds greatly enjoy. Easy and simple, much like your life WOULD have been had you underachieved in high school and just went to community college.

Oatmeal Raisin:

So, you’ve underestimated the difficulty of your super-duper important prelim, much like the only reason you eat this cookie is because you thought it was chocolate chip. You miserable failure, you.

Sugar:

Because you need sugar on your sugar in order to not pass out in Uris. Or the Arts Quad. Or Mann Library. Or the Slope. Again. 

Snickerdoodle:

You laugh at the name of this cookie ‘cause it’s kind of ridiculous. Kind of like how you laugh yourself silly after spending an insurmountable amount of time furiously studying for a prelim that you will get a fifty percent on if you’re lucky. Just let the madness in.

S’mores:

A cookie that tastes like a completely different dessert. Don’t let this chameleon fool you, just like you won’t allow your professor fool you into thinking that this upcoming prelim will be doable. It’s a trap.

Double Chocolate Mint:

You need double the chocolate because you’ve cried double the tears. Sometimes triple. Okay, you’ve lost count at this point.

White Chocolate Macadamia:

Nice try Insomnia Cookies, you aren’t going to fool these Ivy League students. We all know that you’re trying to get us to eat something borderline healthy such as a thing you call a “nut.” Everyone knows it’s much more rewarding to power through your exams having only eaten garbage food. Here’s to the future doctors!

Cookiewich:

We not only need cookies, but let’s throw some ice cream in there. A special treat designed as a reward for surviving prelim season. Do not be disappointed if the ice cream melts, much like you cannot be disappointed that you got a thirty percent on a prelim you spent weeks studying for. This is Cornell, it’s not for the weak.

WATCH: Being in Business School is actually really really hard you guys.