Laverne Cox vs. Milo Yiannopoulos: Which Should You Attend?

author-pic at CU Boulder  

For the reasonable, moderately respectable human being, the choice between which speaker to lend an ear to should be as obvious as the political affiliation of that white dude with dreads who always seems to be sitting outside of Cheba Hut. But just in case someone here is from a small town in Louisiana or has time-travelled here from the 1950s and doesn’t quite have their bearings on the whole right wrong thing, here’s a totally unbiased, quick-n-dirty guide to deciding between Emmy-nominated talent powerhouse or that dude that no one likes but showed up anyway.

If you’re a whitboi and need to prove your manliness by putting down minorities, you should attend:

Milo Yiannopoulos Ranting About God Knows What:
In attendance will surely be students from NYU, UC Davis, DePaul, or Villanova University, who are just so upset that their school administration cancelled Milo’s visit for no good reason. If someone comes up to you everyday just to remind you that you’re a worthless piece of shit, you should just sack up and take it like a man. He has no respect for women and will most likely talk about them like they are pieces of ground beef, so you best believe there will be hella frat stars in the building.

Do attend if you would like to meet the esteemed Chancellor DiStefano, who will be sitting front row, because even though he constantly sends emails telling people them how he believes in equality and treating people right and personally feels “that discrimination and harassment have no place on our campus,” freedom of speech over everything, right?!

Sitting next to him will be Chris Kohl of the CU Republicans, because Milo is “talking about really important issues.” He sure is, Chris! These important issue include: Feminism being a disease, curing (his own) homosexuality, and Black Lives Matter being terrorists. If you feel triggered by racism, sexism, Islamophobia, taunts, hateful language, slurs, or republicans, this would not be a good event for you. Basically, if you are not a straight whites male or a bimbo who only likes to cook, clean, and be talked down on, you probably will not enjoy this. But no worries though, cuz “Hosting a speaker on campus does not mean the university endorses that speaker’s message.” But doesn’t it, though?

If you enjoy pleasantries such as tolerance and intelligent conversation, you should attend:

Laverne Cox Discussing the Importance of Equality & Her Journey into Womanhood:
In attendance will surely be students and community members who have black friends. And female friends. And non-white and privileged friends. Basically, anyone who can see beyond their own privileged ways of life to respect the value of equality OR anyone who isn’t too stoned to sit through an appropriately boring presentation should be attending. The only frat stars that will be attending are the guys whose girlfriends asked them to come and thought that they better say yes so she knows he “respects her.”

As a fellow woman Laverne can empathize with us females who admit that, yeah, sometimes it really fucking sucks to have a vagina. The Cultural Events & Distinguished Speakers board hosts the event, and if the combined brain of the organizations that brought us Ben & Jerry and Steve from Apple think this is a good idea, it is probably a good idea.

Fellow Boulderites, spark up something that actually matters (that’s a weed joke): “we see this as an incredible opportunity to spark healthy dialogue and intellectually stimulate both the CU student body and the Boulder community,” says CEB chair Rohan Peddi. Sounds like something super fun to yell at your conservative father about! Please do not attend if you feel triggered by people and ideas that may be unfamiliar or difficult to understand. Spend your evening doing something more productive, like drinking bleach.

So, in conclusion, if you appreciate degrading speech towards women and gay people and transgender people and liberals and everyone else under the sun, you should definitely go see Milo make a fool of himself. If you generally identify as an accepting and decent human being, you might feel more comfortable with the lovely Laverne Cox. Make good choices, fellow Buffs!

WATCH: Going to school where the air doesn’t hurt > Going to school where it does: