The Definitive Ranking of the Top 10 UF Intramural Team Names

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You meet a lot of interesting people while playing UF intramurals. Every sport always includes rankings for the teams’ skills—but how many have awards for the quality of team names? None. We took the mantle of ranking the Top 10 UF intramural teams. All final decisions on team placement were both biased and highly subjective.

10.) 3>2 (Men’s Competitive Basketball):

After exhaustive analysis we can confirm that this team name is true. We took the theory to some of the greatest minds in mathematics, and no one has refuted it. They may be referring to the three point shot as opposed to a normal shot in basketball; however, we like to think that you send second graders to members of this team when they struggle with inequalities.

9.) MULTIPLE SCORGASMS (Men’s 4 on 4 Flag Football):

This name has definitely been used before, but it still makes the top 10. If you walked into a 9th grade classroom and said this team name, the class wouldn’t stop laughing for at least an hour. This only proves this name needs to make the ranking.

8.) THE ABUSEMENT PARK (Co-ed Recreational Basketball):

Remember back when you stayed up all night as a kid after learning that you were going to Disney World? We imagine that this situation is exactly the same. But instead of staying awake out of excitement, you stay awake in frightful terror, as their only attractions are clowns and a house of horrors.

7.) HIT IT AND QUIDDITCH (Men’s Recreational Basketball):

We imagine “Hit It and Quidditch” as the most elaborate sports celebration in UF intramurals. Imagine how you would feel if, after your opponent drained a three over you, a spectator threw them a broom and they ran back down the court pretending to play Quidditch. Utterly demoralizing.

6.) ALL WE DO IS NGUYEN (Men’s 4 on 4 Flag Football):

Nguyen is the most common Vietnamese surname. With different ways to pronounce it, one of its English enunciations comes scarily close enough to “win,” making this absolutely hilarious. Claiming a spot on this list? That’s a Nguyen in our book.

5.) THE WET DREAM TEAM (Men’s Recreational Basketball):

The world’s greatest basketball players made up the dream team in 1992. This UF intramurals team is solely made up of 13 year olds just beginning to experience puberty. Talk about some awkward sleepovers.

4.) RECTAL SAFARI (Men’s 4 on 4 Flag Football):

Does anyone want to play against this team in flag football to find out what it’s like to go on a rectal safari? Generally, safaris are great sightseeing tours—but you might not want to see the sights on this particular expedition…

3.) #BUTTSTUFF (Men’s 4 on 4 Flag Football):

To be fair, whatever the B stands for is a complete mystery. Vegas has put the best odds on the B standing for “butt.” Frankly, any team named #buttstuff deserves some type of recognition and award.

2.) URETHRA FRANKLIN (Men’s Competitive Basketball):

Did Urethra Franklin get ranked higher in honor of Black History Month? Sure. But, while these rankings are very biased and subjective, Urethra Franklin is objectively funny. If you don’t laugh when you say that, then you probably hate America and puppies.

1.) THE MAGIC JOHNSONS (Men’s Competitive Basketball):

Magic Johnson was the best basketball player before contracting AIDS in the early 1990s. Magic Johnson had a magic johnson that kept him symptom free ever since. We heard rumors that Magic Johnson’s magic johnson powers The Magic Johnsons.

If your intramural team name didn’t make the list, well then you probably didn’t spend enought time trying to come up with a punny, inappropriate play on words. Better luck next time, Gators.

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