10 Clubs That Don’t Exist at Mason But Definitely Should

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Many Mason students want to join a club, but just can’t find one that’s perfect for them. The Black Sheep recommends someone start these totally necessary clubs A.S.A.P.

10.) The Bee Relocation Club: 

By all means, save the bees– they’re on the endangered species list now. But as long as we’re saving them, can we move them to the outskirts of campus, and not the Southside patio along with the entirety of the commons?

9.) The Best Buddies Club with the Sunrise Senior Living Residents:

Several studies have shown that loneliness severely impacts both college students and the elderly. There’s a Sunrise within walking distance of campus, right down University Dr. Help the elderly and help students? Seems like a no brainier. Plus old people have some wild stories.

8.) The Cooking Club:

Who else is sick of Ike’s and Southside’s food? Plan a menu, everyone brings an ingredient, a couple people cook, everyone enjoys. Wait, why is Mason not doing this?

7.) Twitter Addicts Anonymous:

It happens to the best of us. You said we were going to write that paper today, but then you open Twitter and suddenly five hours have gone by and you haven’t written a single word. Guess you’ll have to bullshit it at the last minute. Oh man, what a challenge *eye roll*.

6.) North Plaza “Don’t Talk to Me” Huddle:

Everyone is irritated by the people in North Plaza who either want to sell you something, convert you to JESUS, or register you to vote for the 12 millionth time. What Mason students need is an unspoken club where you join in a large huddle at the edge of the bricks, then move across together looking as menacing as possible. Fuck off, Frank, and take your pamphlets with you- maybe we want to go to Hell, okay?

5.) The Clothing Swap Club:

Because we’re all broke college kids, shopping for new clothes isn’t usually an option. But that doesn’t make retail therapy less fun! So instead of buying, barter! Clean clothes only, please!

4.) The Kitten, Puppy, & Other Cute Animals Club:

“Guys, there’s a cute dog in North Plaza!” is how to make a Mason student’s day in only nine syllables. Why isn’t there a whole club devoted to Petland trips, campus dog-spotting, and other pet finding? Students need more cute puppies and adorable kitties in their lives.

3.) Patriot Handy People:

Congrats, you put in a work order for the clogged shower drain. Now you get to spend a week waiting for maintenance to come fix it. OR we could create a club of patriots with a knack for fixing things for shits and giggles and give maintenance some extra jazz hands.

2.) Unlock the Boat House at Mason Pond Committee: 

We have all wanted to get inside that tiny house at some point. We’ll have to get the students in the MIX lab to 3D print some keys for us!

1.) A Club Whose Sole Purpose is to Make Sure the Rest of Campus Knows What Clubs We Have at Mason:

Unless you know EXACTLY where to look, good luck finding out which clubs we have here! Cause it’s not under student organizations, it’s not on Mason’s main site at all!

So, any takers?