Daddy of the Week: Vinny from Theta Xi

author-pic at University of Illinois  

Name: Vinny LaPage
Twitter Handle: LaPage12
Year: Junior
Major: Communications
Relationship Status: Hunting MILFs
Fraternity: Theta Xi
Boxers or Briefs?: Boxers

Who’s your grandaddy?:
Frank Gallagher

Why did Beyoncé have one of the greatest music videos of all time?:
Because she hooks me up with all the single ladies, oh, oh, oh.

In what context should you be receiving a handjob?:
Under the table at the UGL.

How do you plan to pick up teachers at your kid’s parent-teacher conference?:
Tell them I watched Marley & Me and only cried a little bit.

What do you plan to name your children?: 
Drake and Josh, even if they’re girls.

What simple task do you like to do for your wife to feel like you aren’t a worthless husk of a man wasting away at your 9-to-5 job?:
Sing “Fireflies” by Owl City to her every night in my Morgan Freeman voice.

Why is Bon Jovi your idol?:
Because every time someone mentions getting whiskey dick, I picture them with a semi-chub, thinking to themselves, “WHOA, WERE HALFWAY THEEEERE!”

Tell us a dad joke:
A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

Why do you deserve to be Daddy of the Week?
Because Hugh Hefner just died and someone needs to step the fuck up and replace him.

Why should people read The Black Sheep?
Because it was either read The Black Sheep or listen to Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” on repeat for nine hours. It was a close call.