7 Ways To Pretend You’ve Been a Redbird Basketball Fan All Along
Well, here we are. The Redbirds are finally good at basketball. Like actually really, really good. So, you better cheer them on while you can. But beware: don’t become a bandwagon fan. We all saw how annoying those guys were when the Cubs got good all of a sudden. Truthfully, no one’s going to believe you if you say you’ve always been a fan anyway. The only surefire way to make sure that you’re definitely not lying about how you love the Redbirds is to follow these simple tips.
7.) Probably Know More Than Two Players On the Team:
Guys, it’s as simple as that. If you can only name Paris Lee or…some other player on the team, then it’s obvious that you don’t really care as much as you say you do. So hop on the inter-web and look some shit up. You might even realize that these guys are kind of sexy.
6.) Maybe, Like, Go to a Game And Actually Watch It:
We all know those people that go to a game just to get it on a snap or Instagram and then sit down and don’t look up from their phones until it’s time to leave. We recommend splurging on those $5 tickets and actually getting your hard earned money’s worth. WATCH THE DAMN GAME.
5.) Don’t Try to Talk College Basketball:
If people who actually know what they’re talking about are talking Redbird basketball around you, do not try and join the convo if you can’t keep up. One mistake, and everyone will know that you’re a phony. That is, if they haven’t caught on already.
4.) Buy Some Redbird Swag:
Gotta walk the walk if you’re gonna’ talk the talk. Try to at least buy one ridiculously overpriced t-shirt from the bookstore. If you can’t afford the Alamo or Barnes & Noble, hit up Free & For Sale. Otherwise, you’ll just be another pretender. And not even a well-dressed one.
3.) Turn Off Netflix And Start Watching the Games:
This one’s a no-brainer. If the game happens to be on TV, turn that shit on. Drink a few brews and soak it in. This automatically makes you look like the real deal. You might even get drunk enough to actually enjoy it.
2.) Make Up Statistics:
Odds are that most of your friends and classmates don’t know that much about the Redbird bball either. So, just make shit up and it might actually go over smoothly. If Donald Trump can do it, so can you. Only way to know is to try. Experiment with percentages and ratios until what you’re saying doesn’t sound like total bull.
1.) Just Don’t:
At one point, you just gotta’ say ‘fuck it.’ There’s no way to prove something that isn’t true, so embrace the fact that you’ve literally never given a shit about Redbird basketball until everyone else did. Ride that bandwagon like it’s a DD on a Friday night. If you’re gonna’ do it, you might as well lean into it.
The transition to fan will be long and hard considering we haven’t really been good at any sports since Nam’, so we should all at least give it a go. Try not to screw it all up.
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