5 Lawrence Townies You Know VERY Well

author-pic at University of Kansas  

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the townies are finally free from the oppression of obnoxious college students for a good three months. We would like to celebrate the very special townies that make this cesspool of a town what it is.

5.) Vince Vandime:

Age: 25

Drink of choice: PBR

Bar of choice: Replay

Strengths: Has an American Spirit willing and able to bum at all times, is able to get away with wearing a thrasher tee despite never being seen on a skateboard.

Weaknesses: Finding a stable band to be in for more than three weeks, and anyone wearing a Sublime shirt.

Where you can find him: Replay by night, Bourgeois Pig by day.

4.) Laura Phillips:

Age: 23

Drink of choice: Trashcan

Strengths: Can rope anyone into a conversation about her cat tattoo, can recite “Slim Shady” from memory

Weaknesses: Any song by Adele, and the sight of an animal paw stretched in front of her face.

Where you can find her: Screaming her lungs out at Jazzhause between trashcans, and yelling at the song choice for her group despite what Sharon thinks of her.

3.) Chad Uppercrust the 3rd:

Age: 21

Drink of Choice: “Moose Bowl, my dude.”

Bar of Choice: The entirety of the triangle.

Strengths: Can tell you about the exotic traveling he does all the time despite always being found at Schooner night.

Weaknesses: Salmon colored shorts, and the crushing inevitability of colligate life being over.

Where can you find them: Hitting on girls in the line at The Hawk.

2.) Officer Williams:

Age: 38

Drink of choice: Protein powder

Catchphrase: “Stop in the name of love.”

Bar of Choice: Whatever one doesn’t have a fight break out so anywhere but Tonic.

Strengths: Gettin’ them gains, tweeting while driving, AND working out while driving.

Weaknesses: Leg day.

Where you can find him: @LawrenceKSPD

1.) Hemp Guy:

Age: Unknown

Bar of choice: John Brown Underground

Strengths: Getting the community to ban together for the greater good for a greater high.

Weaknesses: Lack of car honks and shoes that don’t expose his bare toes. Also, Officer Williams.

Where to find him: Where ever the wind blows, man.

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