8 Things That’ll Really Spook UMD Students This October

author-pic at University of Maryland  

UMD students are a special blend of caffeinated super-students, lazy good-for-nothing drunkards, and whiny 4-year olds at heart. We work hard and play even harder. This October, we’ll be faced with a variety of truly spook-ifying things, ranging from academic to alcoholic. From least to most scary, here are just a few:

8.) The weather:
See it here first folks! There’s nothing remotely natural or safe about these balmy 80° “fall” days we’ve been experiencing. Consider yourself a tiny popcorn kernel in the microwave of the Earth, heating, heating, heating…yeah. Also, what do you even wear when it’s 20° in the morning and 80°in the afternoon?

7.) Your midterm grades:
No shame in calling it like it is. Maybe you didn’t study enough, or maybe you just decided to get hammered the night before and let the chips fall where they may. The best part is that #midtermszn gives you a perfect excuse to go get trashed at happy hour after all your tests, either to celebrate that B or mourn that D. Happy drinking!

6.) Netflix prices:
If you haven’t heard, Netflix is hiking their price up by $1, effective October 22nd. Along with the price increase are numerous cuts of some fan-favorite shows. So instead of paying $9.99 a month to watch quality shows like American Dad or Family Guy, you’ll have to ante up $10.99 for an admittedly shittier collection of movies and shows. But hey, Stranger Things season 2, amirite?

5.) The return of pumpkin spice:
As prime Pumpkin Spice Latte™ season approaches, here’s some helpful advice to all the guys out there that are just trying to survive this dangerous time:

Basic white girls must prepare, for pumpkin spice is in the air!
Their powers grow this time of year, as latte season’s drawing near.
Beware the white girls and their cups, and stay away from all Starbucks.
Or be the man who lost his life, by playing games with pumpkin spice!

4.) Missed calls from your mom
These are always a terrifying wildcard. Did your dog die? Does she want to check up on your grades? Does she know you only have $0.84 to your name? In any case, nothing gets your heart racing quite like that notification from your mom that requires you to call her back. In fact, you should just save yourself some pain down the road and just call her up right now. It’s not like you were actually doing your homework anyway, right?

3.) Group projects:
These just suck all the time. You want me to communicate? And cooperate? With my classmates? Hell nah. No matter what, Josh will never answer the GroupMe, and Sarah will just be a controlling loudmouth, and one person will ALWAYS end up doing the whole damn thing, and it’s probably going to be you.

2.) Money management:
October is a hard month to be broke. The pressure of Halloweekend looms over you, yelling, “You should buy a dope ass costume instead of paying your student loans!” You can repay your debts later, but you can’t ever relive the 2k17 Halloweekend rave.

1.) Commitments (of all kinds):
Ever have trouble making plans with people because you know you’d rather just binge watch Parks and Rec? Commitment is a scary thing. Committing to one breakfast cereal is tough enough, but committing yourself to another person? Good thing college kids don’t ever have to worry about that.