The Top 10 Things You Could Have Spent Your $37,172 Student Loan Debt On

author-pic at University of Miami Ohio  

It’s weird to think 4 years ago, you started out with serious coin compared to what you have now. Yes, this year, the average college student will graduate over $37,000 in debt. Which…that’s bad, right? To put that in perspective, here are 10 things you could have bought with that skrilla instead.

 

10.) 572 Shares of Apple Stock:

On August 1st, 2013, Apple stock was at $65, and at the time of this writing it closed at just a hair over $139. If you would’a dumped, oh, say, $37,172 on Apple stock when it was at $65, you would have $79,490 total, today. That’s ::does math:: a net profit of 57 iPhone 7 Plus…es, with allllll the memory. 

 

9.) A Round-Trip Flight From New York City to Los Angeles With 7 Friends:

It’s actually a cool $38,000 for a round-trip flight on a Learjet 31, but if your 7 homies all kick in $118 (Sure, it’s a lot for a college student) you can make the trip of a lifetime last like, 12 hours in the air and a few hours on the ground.

8.) 2 Drawings of Spider Man, Signed By Stan Lee:

At a little over 18k a pop, this is a deal you can’t miss. He’s old, and he’ll be dead soon. Profit, here we come!

7.) A 2017 GMC Savana Work Van:

At $35,125, you still have a cool $2,000 to kit it out with stuff to make you money, and with that last 50 bucks you can get some spray paint to scrawl “free candy” on the side of it!

6.) Glenfiddich 50-year-old Single Malt Scotch Whisky:

$33,900 nets you this bad boy. Have the friends over for a few, end up chugging the whole thing, and use the last $3,000 to unite an army of hobos to rob a Wal-Mart for you. This money isn’t going to make itself.

5.) 37,172 $1 Scratch-Off Lotto Tickets:

The odds of winning a $1 scratch-off is 1 in 4, so you’re going to lose money, but even after you run through the initial $37,172, you’ll probably end up winning $9,293, for a net loss of $27,879, which is kinda like making money!

4.) 3 Pornos About Whatever You Want!:

The freakiest porn movies with the best directors run about $12,000 a pop. With you as the financier, finally you’ll be able to explore your bear-baby fuckparty fetish trilogy. You demand the world understands your art!

3.) 12,390 Wonder Balls:

The Man stopped making Wonder Balls in 2004, but you can generally find a 10-pack on eBay for like, 30 bucks. Talk about an investment! Hold on to them for a few more years, then unload ‘em to your nostalgic peers for a tidy profit.

2.) 6,870 Packs of Cigarettes In Idaho:

At $5.41, Idaho has the cheapest cigarettes in the nation. Haul ‘em over state lines to New York, where they’re selling for $12.85 a pack, and your felony is netting you $51,150 profit.

1.) 15 Tiger Cubs:

These things go for $2,500 bucks a pop on the black market, which means soon you can have an army of tigers to do your bidding. Or…wait, how are you gonna feed ‘em? Well, they’ll sure make a great coat. Ethical? No. Stylish? So very.