How to Kill Time on Your Plane Ride to Your Spring Break Destination

author-pic at University of Miami Ohio  

Spring break! It’s time to relax in the sun, show off that bod, and break out the booze. But, before you do you’ve got to suppress that excitement and make it through a long flight with nothing but time to kill and crying babies to hate. Here’s how to survive the journey:

8.) Work on Your Embroidery:

There’s nothing like some classic arts and crafts to pass the time. The older generation will be delighted to see the young people enjoying the simplicity and joy of a needle pulling thread. Little do they know your embroidery is slightly less G-rated. “Whores ruin everything,” and “G.R.O.S.S. Get rid of slimy girls,” are some of your most prized works.

 

7.) Play Gummy Bear Tic-Tac-Toe:

Not just a game, but a snack too! A fresh, new spin on the legendary pencil and paper game, you’re sure to have fun with a pal and make a few gummy bear pals along the way. Don’t worry about things getting too competitive, you’ll tie every game because we’ve all been studying tic-tac-toe strategy since childhood.

6.) Slip Your Neighbor a Sexual Sudoku:

If you spot a hottie on your flight it’s important to be direct, yet discreet. If you have hopes of joining the mile high club, which we all do, a sexual sudoku is the way to go. They’re bound to be seduced by the forward yet subtle suggestions of the sudoku note you folded into a paper airplane and threw at the back of their head two rows ahead of you. You’ll be meeting them in the bathroom in 10 minutes.

5.) Make Memes with the Emergency Procedures:

What better to make a meme out of than the emergency directions that will guide you in case the giant hunk of metal you’re flying through the air in crashes and burns. Always a laughing matter.

4.) Listen to the Relaxing Tones of Dolphins and Whales:

The wonders of technology these days. If you have a screen full of movies and games and music selections in front of you, dig deep and find some real meaningful content. Do you want to watch Sausage Party for the third time or do you want to lose yourself in thought to the majestic sounds of dolphins and whales calling to one another, moving and communicating through the ever-flowing ocean. You decide.

3.) Play Video Games with Your Tiny Hands:

It’s hard to go through life with such tiny hands. It’s difficult to grip apples, dribble basketballs, and shake anyone’s hand without fear and confusion in their eyes. But video game controllers have tiny buttons and tiny knobs made just for tiny hands. So sit back, relax, and game on!

2.) Get Drunk:

A go-to pastime for many of us, it’s even more effective on planes. Ask the attendant to keep the little plastic cups of vodka tonics coming and you’ll be landing at your destination in no time at all.

1.) Pass Out:

The absolute best way to pass the time is to be unconscious. Slip into an eye mask, scrunch some foam earplugs into your head, and wrap yourself in the warmth of the little piece of felt they give you as a blanket. With these comfortable accommodations you’re in for a real luxurious snooze. The alcohol consumed preciously seem to help with this process as well.

We know your antsy to get where you’re going and to let your hair down for the week. With these fun activities you’re sure to be distracted enough for time to fly by. Soon enough your plane will be landing and you’ll be off to get drunk, more drunk that is, before you know it. Safe travels!

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.