Freshman Files Class Action Lawsuit Against Valley Dining Hall for Making Her Gain Weight

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Many freshmen living in the Valleys feel they’ve been tricked by the sneaky Valley Dining Hall into gaining the dreaded freshman fifteen. Instead of lacing up some sneakers and taking a run up one of the many enormous hills of Western’s campus to combat weight gain, one student came up with a better idea: a class action lawsuit against the cafeteria.

The anonymous Lady-Bronco believes that the Valley Dining hall is to blame for her freshman fifteen, and is filing a civil lawsuit against the collegiate eating establishment.

“We’re all victims here,” the anonymous freshman tells The Black Sheep, “The caf food had absolutely no obesity warning labels and the staff failed to inform us about the dangers of the freshman fifteen. How many people have to suffer the same fate before someone—anyone– takes action?”

The Black Sheep talked to another freshman student about what he thought about his classmate’s lawsuit.

“I agree with it! It’s not about money or anything like that; it’s about what’s fair! They put this weight on me WITHOUT my consent. I go to a house party, and it’s $5 for a cup. I made that choice. I must spend these Gold Meal Plan points. I don’t have a choice! I’m glad that someone is doing something about it.”

The legal expert who will represent the angry freshman in Kalamazoo court is a Bronco as well. Natalie Brunsul is sophomore considering pre-law as a major, and thinks those in the suit have a strong case.

“These poor kids were just trying to feed themselves,” the future lawyer told us, “There’s just no way they could know that an abundance of cafeteria food would lead to weight gain.”

Dozens of other freshmen have joined their classmates’ fight by protesting the dining hall. Some students have started taking their business all the way to the Bernhard Center for lunch, while others have stopped eating altogether, and vowed to stay on a hunger strike until justice has been served.

The Valley Dining Hall was not available for comment on the matter. In the meantime, if you’re a regular at the Blazin’ Bronco burger station, you may want to consider stopping at Fresh Creations instead.

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