Top 10 Safest Spots to Fart on NAU’s Campus

author-pic at Northern Arizona  

What exactly is a fart? Well according to science, a fart is 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, and other completely natural chemicals. It’s really nothing but a bunch of atoms shooting out of your ass.  However, according to society, a fart is something you should be “embarrassed” about.  We’re here to help.  With these new-found locations on NAU, you can feel free to fart whenever you please. 

10.) The Biology Greenhouse:

Since a fart is nothing but a bunch of natural elements, what better place than a greenhouse? Not only are you helping the plants with photosynthesis, but you are helping create oxygen for the future.

9.) The HLC Gym:

Since the gym already reeks due to all the people exercising, nobody is going to notice that a fart has escaped. Plus, some doctors agree that farting is healthy.  So, what better place to get healthy than in the Health and Learning Center?

8.) The Performing and Fine Arts Building:

In some sub-cultures farting is a class act, and it’s obnoxiously loud in there with all the different music classes going on. This makes the Performing and Fine Arts Building a perfect place to toot your own horn.

7.) The Biological Sciences Building:

Few places are better for ripping ass than the bio building while dissections are on the table. Formaldehyde is a strong chemical used to preserve the specimens. However, one major downside to this stuff is its terrible smell. Formaldehyde smells worse than the food coming out of the University Union. If anything, a fart is going to make the place smell better.

6.) The Northern Arizona University Bookstore:

The bookstore already stinks because they never have the textbook you need.  This makes the NAU bookstore a prime candidate to cover your crop dusting. 

5.) The Cline Library:

Old books with aging knowledge, and dust have a musty smell.  This makes the library a perfect candidate to hide the stench of your dusty farts.  Plus, you’re doing the library a solid by blowing all the dust off the books that nobody has touched since the campus opened in 1899.

4.) The Residence Halls: 

This one is self-explanatory. The dorms are just a bunch of buildings full of human slime and pubic hairs confined into a paltry amount of space.  Residence halls are a safe location to let one rip and let it rip good.

3.) The NAU Art Museum: 

It is an art museum; this location will be empty. This makes for the perfect spot to fart in peace while you enrich yourself with some artistic culture that you never thought you’d have the chance to. 

2.) The Sweet Escape: 

Not only is it an ice cream shop, but it is the main location for fart freedom. Like, c’mon it’s all right there in the name.

1.) The Communication Building: 

In some cultures, farting is a form of greeting each other.  No better place to greet one another and practice interpersonal communications than in the Comm Building!

Be ashamed no longer. With these ten locations on campus, you can feel free to fart in peace without having to scheme up a way to blame it on the person next to you. So spread the news because it is going to get gassy!

Why did we choose to go to school in the part of Arizona where it snows? WHY?