UO Student Grows Suspicious of PHIL 110 Professor After Lecturing with a Turkey Sandwich

author-pic at University of Oregon  

Outraged George Miller, a junior at the University of Oregon, took his seat in the back of his lecture hall in Lawrence for his sixth week of philosophy class. During a lecture he expressed to us not only his discontent with class material, but frustration towards the professor of this class, Dr. Markson.

“I’m only in here because this was the only open class left when I finally got around to registering for winter term,” said Miller. “Going into the class I was optimistic. The course description sounded interesting, but the actual class just makes no sense to me.”

In spite of all the enthusiasm shown by the rest of the class, Miller found himself irritated by the predictable nature of the course. “Marky Mark poses some vague nonsensical question to the class, then takes a dramatic pause and begin his response by saying ‘what if I told you…”

Miller’s prediction was extremely accurate, Markson walked to the window and said, “What if I told you it means artificial intelligence may have already won the war against humanity.” The students in the class were blown away.

Markson went into his briefcase, unpacked ingredients for a turkey sandwich, and prepared the sandwich in silence. Students sat on the edge of their seats vigorously taking notes. 

“I don’t know,” Miller questioned. “It’s possible I’m just not smart enough to understand what he’s trying to teach us, but I think it’s more likely that this guy is just making shit up every week.” The teacher began to eat his sandwich in silence while holding powerful eye contact with the class. One student was moved to tears.

Miller has also become suspicious of Markson’s credentials. “In fact I’m starting to think this guy might not even be a legitimate academic. He has a Yahoo email address, and the syllabus says his office hours are located at the corner table in Qdoba.”

Markson finished his sandwich and received a standing ovation from the class. Miller, greatly confused by what had just happened, raised his hand and asked, “What did that mean?” The teacher paused, looked at the class and said, “Exactly.”

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