6 Pretty F*Cked Up Things To Happen At Rutgers

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Since the weather is strangely nice and feels like a new beginning, it’s time to reflect on some Rutgers history. Of course, there are really fucked up things that happened (ex: why so many stabbings Rutgers), but this list highlights events that bothered you at your core. So grab that leftover sandwich in your fridge and take a look at a few of the most earth-shattering events to happen at Rutgers. 

6.) The End of The Alley (2016):

This wound is probably too fresh to be addressing, but no Rutgers student can deny how cruel this act was. For those who were hermits last semester, The Alley was a monumental student tailgate located in the parking lot across Werblin, but lived for only two games because it was closed for “safety reasons.” The closing of The Alley was like getting a toy on Christmas morning and then your parents burning it before dinner. Rutgers Athletics Director Pat Hobbs announced that they’d reopen The Alley eventually, so we still have hope. Don’t let us down, Rutgers. 

5.) The Bus Stop Fuckery (2016):

Don’t you love when Rutgers changes a delicate system that affects thousands of students? These changes aren’t huge but when you first realized they got rid of the Cabaret Theater bus stop, you felt personally offended no one asked for your opinion. Or when Scott Hall bus stop was shifted a few hundred feet after The Yard opened and now it’s complete mayhem. And for the cherry on top, the bus stop transit clocks don’t work and just say, “registering” all the time. Now you have to stop scrolling memes to check the RU app to see when your LX is coming.

4.) When the Business School Turned Away Students for Wearing the Wrong Color (2017): 

On February 10th, the Rutgers Business School turned away students dressed in navy blue and other horrendous business fashion choices from a career fair. Besides the obvious issue of exclusion based on outfit choice, the real problem is who made the business school administration the new Joan Rivers of the professional fashion world. The school formally apologized and whatever, but we’re still bitter about it.

3.) Shutdown of Delafest (2013): 

This event is a major throwback that only Rutgers super seniors will remember. In April 2013 about 500 people gathered for a block party on Delafield Street after the old RU president canceled Rutgersfest, an end of the year concert, for being too dangerous. Like all legendary RU parties, Delafest got a little crazy when students started burning mattresses and couches and the police showed up. Rutgers is always crushing our vibes, how fucked up.

2.) Disappearance Of Unicycle Guy (2016):

About a year ago, there were sightings of a guy on a unicycle making his way down College Ave. Unfortunately, there haven’t been any sightings this year so we can’t help but think the unfathomable: what if he turned in the unicycle for a longboard? The unicycle guy could be any one of the basic bros flying by on their longboards, and he’ll never know how much we miss his presence. RIP Unicycle guy, you will be missed but not forgotten. 

1.) The Psycho Guy On Angel Dust Who Broke Shit (2017): 

Most people don’t know about this but recently a guy high on PCP ran around naked on Senior Street and broke a car window. Since there hasn’t been a crime alert email or any press coverage, this guy is probably still out there snorting dust and breaking things like it’s his job. Vandalizing property is fine as long as someone’s rich daddy is standing with his checkbook, ready to pay for damages. Any other case is unacceptable.

Now that you’re all caught up on the crazy stuff that happens at Rutgers, you should be prepared for anything that’s to come for the rest of the semester. Whatever spring 2017 semester has in store, make sure you have a spare couch to burn, you know, cause why not? 

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