Top 10 ~Trendy~ Summer Activities To Do In Berkeley

author-pic at UC Berkeley  

Everyone and their mom is doing cool stuff this summer — except for you! While your friends are interning at cool energy drink companies, traveling with their affluent Caucasian peers through most of central Europe, or even doing Teach For America for Christ’s sake, you’re stuck in good ol’ Berk. But don’t worry, here’s a list of trendy things to do so people don’t assume your summer was spent liking other people’s LinkedIn milestones and crying.  

10.) Fill Out SHIP Forms… High:
Who doesn’t love awful and systematically flawed UC health care? And who doesn’t love marijuana? What greater idea than to combine the two and fill out your student health insurance forms under the influence of the Devil’s Lettuce! Productive and stoner-y.

9.) Order Horchata One Time:
Afraid that you’re not cultured? Don’t worry! Next time you go to La Burrita, order horchata one time and perplex your sheltered taste buds with the rice milk drink. Dorothy, we aren’t in Calabasas anymore!

8.) Look in the Window of the Abandoned American Apparel™©® and Contemplate Morality:
Falling into the void of moral contemplation regarding your failure to be employed this summer is awesome. The abandoned American Apparel™©® location has grimy, graffiti-laden windows where you can stare intensely for hours while debating the complexity of your existence. Trendy.

7.) Walk Past the New Berkeley SOULCYCLE™©® Location and Scream Really Loud:
Do you hate overpriced spin classes? Do you think people should just ride a fucking bike? Did SOULCYCLE™©® reject your job application as well? We cordially invite you to walk by the the new Berkeley SOULCYCLE™©® location and scream your loudest-anti capitalist fitness regime scream. Uplifting af.

6.) Find Chris Tril and Ask Him a Number of Pointed Questions:
Everyone’s most contentious UC Berkeley Memes for Edgy Teens moderator is known for some off-color memes and shamefully removing Karina Pauletti as an admin, but what does he think about the shrinking middle class? Ask him!

5.) Yike in the Streets:
Just do it.

4.) Make a Pros/Cons List of CalDining Options:
Is the Crossroads v. Foothill late night argument as intersectional as you thought? Would you rather have nice stoned employees forget your order or have mean employees with incredible accuracy? Find out!

3.) Propose Fun Party Themes for Your Friends:
So what if everyone in your lease hates you? After you propose a “Dress as your favorite congenital heart defect”-themed Wine Wednesday, they might hate you a little bit less.

2.) Take a Bath in Hot Cheese Sauce with a Tinder Match:
This one just sounds trendy. If your blind date is going awry, invite your partner to strip down and take a bath with you in hot cheese sauce. Exciting.

1.) Fill Out Transfer Applications:
Aunt Karen called you out for having a 2.38 at Olive Garden and you’ve had enough. After getting a C in Media Studies 101, you’ve decided it’s time to pack your bags and go to a more ~well-rounded~ institution like Chico State.

Wow! With all these suggestions, who cares if you were too unemployable to work at that startup your brother founded? Berkeley summer will be a blast!

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