In Memoriam to Davis Whole Foods

author-pic at UC Davis  

In loving memory of the Davis Whole Foods store, first opened in fall of 2012, and hath departed on the 13th of February 2017. The life of the Davis branch of Whole Foods was short lived, but it will dearly be missed.

Your prices were never low and your service was never fast on weekends, but your delicious hot food bar and plentiful assortment of self-serve nuts and grains never disappointed. From vegan cheese to gluten free pop tarts, you really had it all. There will never be another place so free of antibiotics, added growth hormones, artificial flavors, added dyes, processed sugars and corporate monopolies.

The Davis Whole Foods enjoyed a life providing happiness to the Davis community, particularly in the form of gigantic custom burritos and Halo Top ice cream, which only has 270 calories per pint. No regret thus can come forth from consuming your bounty of goods, except of course if you forget to bring your own bag.

While no one may really know the reason for your departing, we may all assume that you either were too good for Davis, or not enough people really wanted to pay $8 for a box of organic crackers. The news came so suddenly that Davis was not truly prepared for you to go. Now the people are only left to wonder what may fill your space, and hope that it’s something useful like yet another fucking Thai restaurant.

We bless your soy-based soul for giving unto us an amazing 50% off everything in store sale before your final departure. You didn’t include alcohol in this heavenly sale, but we will hath forgiven you since Olive Market is still just down the street. Though many may try and fill your space, and ultimately fail because the only stable business the shopping center will ever have is Mikuni’s, none will be quite like you. May you rest forever in an organic pasture surrounded by Birkenstocks and non-fat Greek yogurt.

We need not in this time of sorrow think of what we will miss from Whole Foods, but instead what can also be purchased at Trader Joe’s. – Davisthians 20:17

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.