Top 10 Worst Date Spots at UCR

author-pic at UC Riverside  

The reason you’re likely flipping through pages of Yelp recommendations prior to a date is because you have the intention of impressing a significant other. Fortunately, for students of UCR, there are copious destinations on campus worth experiencing with your date without having to veer far or spend a pretty penny. Unfortunately for you, the reader, this is not that list. Here are the best…worst date spots at UCR:

10.) Olmstead Basement:

Showing your date a place they have never seen before is an intrigue for most pairings. However, some places are left to be undiscovered for a reason. Any psychology student forced to participate in a Speech Priming experiment for PSYCH2 has discovered this decrepit underground station. It’s deserted, ominous, and the ideal place to be pinned for a crime. For those seeking isolation from an overpopulated day on campus, try any aisle at Orbach or Rivera dedicated to public records or technical filmmaking in the 1930’s.

9.) Top of the Belltower:

Turns out your mother’s friend’s cousin’s neighbor’s dog’s owner has a strong tie with Chancellor Wilcox and can give you access to the elevator that leads to the tip of UCR’s landmark. Good, decline the offer. Unless you want to confront the clandestine group of hooded zealots that kidnap students and turn them into offerings for Scotty the Bear. That’s what visiting Davis students are for.

8.) Grassy trails near AI:

Tales circulate among generations at UCR. One of those involve malicious doings that have taken place among the trails near AI aided by spectral presence in the nighttime. Unless your significant other is primarily servicing as your camera crew for your found footage documentation and willing to put their self at risk, avoid these trails.

7.) Starbucks:

For anyone who does not reside at Lothian, choose Coffee Bean. Choosing a stroll to Starbucks is equivalent to undergoing a hike to the C. By the time you’ve arrived, sweat will be permeating through both sets of attire after walking 25-minutes under the Southern California sun for a caramel macchiato. They also don’t accept gift cards. The inhumanity!

6.) Any Dorm Restaurant:

Bear Bucks and meal swipes can save you money on your upcoming date, but who will save you from anti-romantic waft of corn dogs and waffles? The contained atmosphere, buzzing of student interlocution, and soggy french fries will land you in relationship free agency faster than waiting on a Moo-Moo truck sundae.

5.) Glen Mor fields:

The nighttime aura of stadium lights and freshly cut grass can make for a pleasant evening out, but as any intramural participant can tell you, bystanders have a strong chance of getting clocked in the face courtesy of the ongoing soccer and football games. Disregard this point if you two are into that kinky helmet-wearing shit or bedroom LARP.

4.) UNLH:

Chances are you both want to make up for your busy schedules by sitting in on each other’s classes. Congratulations, you have found the fastest way to get tired of one another! By the time it’s Week 4, you’ll be craving space more than an aerospace engineer.

3.) Computer Labs:

Commuters in a rush to print out their documents don’t need to hear about how you don’t call him on the phone enough, or that size wasn’t an issue until she met you.

2.) The UV:

Transients galore and the finest 2-star restaurants will make for a lousy evening. While your Stickables and Mad Platter make for casual date locations, the taste of Yoshinoya will deter both sides of the party from wanting to smooch it up.

1.) Near “THE TREES”:

Aesthetically, walking underneath umbrellas of blooming trees reminiscent of Japan’s notorious cherry blossom trees will seem romantic until you get a breath of their discharge heavy scent; they reek of jazz. Not great for a first date.

Like booze before noon? So do these guys…