The Top 5 Always-Open, Alternative Places to Park Your Bike at UCSB

author-pic at UC Santa Barbara  

Have you ever skipped studying for a midterm simply because you couldn’t find a place to park your bike? A growing student population means campus infrastructure has to play a game of catch up, and since bike infrastructure seem to be at the bottom of their to-do list, here are a few unconventional places you can chain up your ride.

5.) Roof of HSSB:

The roof of HSSB is massive and empty, perfect for bike parking. The climb up the building is slightly time consuming, but no more than the typical amount of time it takes pacing up and down the rows in any UCSB bike parking area, looking for a tiny sliver of space to hook a lock to. Plus you’ll have a nice view of the Pacific on your way up, which will bring momentary peace to your pre-finals addled mind.  

4.) Chancellor Yang’s House:

It’s a little isolated from campus, but that means there’ll be plenty of space for bike parking. The chancellor is notoriously chill about bikes, and wants to break away from fossil fuels, so he’d be a FOOL to say no.  The chancellor’s prestige alone will curtail potential thieves as well, in the same way STEM majors’ stench curtails advances from the opposite sex. 

3.) In a Tree:

There are trees near almost all major bike parking lots on campus, so when those are inevitably full at literally any hour of the day, toss your bike up into the branches — nice and high. The branches are are the perfect strength to hold your bike,  yet skinny enough for a U-lock. Plus the height of the trees will prevent your bike from accumulating dust and dirt – making trees the ideal parking spot. In fact, we should utilize trees more for bike prevention. Talk about going green!

2.) In the Ocean:

Hey here’s an idea — the ocean is just millions of miles of literally nothing, why not make it bike parking??? Get to work, Elon Musk.  Lock your bike to a raft, place it on a surfboard, or secure it in a kayak, knowing that it will be safe for the duration of your lecture. Remember to keep the tide in mind while using Pacific parking; a fifty-minute lecture will typically result in a 72-meter shift west of your original parking spot.

1.) To Your TA’s Messenger Bag:

It’s a known fact that every graduate student has a handmade canvas messenger bag. Why not keep your bike in plain site and lock it up to their bag? You will get the added benefit of being a memorable member of their section and you know you’re going to hit them up next summer that letter of recommendation.

Prevent the frustration of finding your bike among rows and rows of other dopes’ bicycles and park your 2-wheeler like a champ. It’s like, sorry there’s so many of us saving the environment that you can’t keep up with parking!!!!! 

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