Major BruinCard Counterfeit Ring Busted in Westwood

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UCLA graduates Antoine Jamison and Kimberly Park were arrested last week for selling counterfeit BruinCards to UCLA students. Police officers caught the couple, who were both from the class of 2014, in their apartment on Landfair Avenue.

The BruinCard is an essential item for any UCLA student. It is a key that unlocks a world of possibilities, and your room if you stay on campus. A student losing their BruinCard is a devastating affair, and the student is then supposed to pay the ultimate price: $23.50 at the BruinCard Center.

Jamison and Park offered an attractive alternative to this, selling their fake BruinCards for only $5. “That’s an incredible deal,” a student who chose to remain anonymous said. “You save, like, 20 bucks.”

“I’m a serial BruinCard loser,” another student commented. “So when I found out about these guys, I thought it was too good to be true. Turns out, it was.”

The duo initially had dozens of customers, but it soon became clear why they were able to charge such a low price. Those who bought the fake cards found that they could not be swiped or tapped, rendering them useless. Students have shared their traumatic experiences of being stranded outside their dorms, or worse, stranded outside the dining halls, because their cards were unusable.

The lack of functionality was not the only flaw, however. Several students were shocked to discover that the pictures displayed on their fake BruinCards did not match their own faces. “I gave them a passport-sized photo of myself like they requested,” one aggravated student reported. “Then they gave me a BruinCard with an Asian girl’s face on it. I’m a black guy!”

Although students were upset and felt that they had been cheated of $5, no one exposed the counterfeit operation. This made it difficult for the police to track down the culprits. “We had to find some clue that would lead us to the criminals,” Sergeant Sean, the officer who led the search, explained. “So we asked ourselves, where could these people advertise their services discreetly? It would have to be a place so unwelcoming and depressing that most people don’t visit unless they absolutely have to. That’s when it struck us – the Powell Library bathroom.”

The officers investigated the men’s bathroom and, sure enough, found what they were looking for. “There were several phone numbers advertising…various services,” Sergeant Sean said. “But one number had the letters ‘BC’ next to it. Now, I took an Introduction to Acronyms course my freshman year, so I immediately knew what those letters meant. We copied down that phone number and got out of there quick, because we had some perps to catch. And also because that toilet was disgusting.”

The police called the number, pretended they were students, and got the location of the apartment. They proceeded there to catch Jamison and Park. Upon the police officers’ arrival, Park was reported to have screamed, “Do you know how hard it is to get a job these days? Just let us make some money!” But, other than that, the two did not resist their arrest. They are both currently in custody where, at least for the time being, they don’t have to worry about finding employment.

Why do people go to any other school?