VCU Daddy of the Week: John

author-pic at Virginia Commonwealth University  

Hey hey hey! Welcome back to The Black Sheep’s third edition of Daddy of the Week! This week, we shine the spotlight on a classic RVA boy John Byrum from Delta Chi to admire his zaddily qualities. Check it, and him, out!

Don’t you wish you were that goat?

Name: John Kenneth Byrum III
Twitter Handle: He doesn’t use twitter…hmm….suspect…so is his meme knowledge sparse?
Year: Junior
Major: Psychology (so he’s caring, girl.)
Relationship Status: “Single as f**k”
Fraternity: Delta Chi
Boxers or Briefs?: “Boxers” he says passionately.

What’s the best way to reduce stress when your son doesn’t mow the lawn like you like it?:
“I’d say grab a cold beer… or just mow the lawn again. I wouldn’t care that much though, it’s grass it grows back.” How kind!

Tell us about your first night of college:
“My first night was at Marymount, the swim team had a drinking initiation and I did a beer bong for the first time. I thought it was weird I hadn’t done it before college, but I did it in like 2 seconds. I don’t know how because I can never do it that fast again.”

What’s your favorite type of shoe and why is it white New Balances?:
“I hate new balances, don’t own a single pair.” he blurts out. “Honestly I can narrow it down: casuals are Clarks desert boots and then Vans for kick around. I want a pair of PF Flyers, the original chucks. Ya know… the ones in Sandlot? Have you seen Sandlot?” I hadn’t seen it, so he went into a passionate 20 minute rant about how it’s every boy’s favorite movie and why. It was enlightening. Still not watching Sandlot though. 

On a scale of 1-10, how drunk would you have to be to masturbate to a picture of 1990s version Bob Saget?:
“Why is that a question?” he sighs. “Definitely black out, id say a 9.5.” Not a full 10, don’t worry Bob.

How many cigars did you smoke in the waiting room of the hospital the day your first son was born?
“Ahh, I didn’t smoke one there. I smoked one with my buddies after he was born to celebrate the birth of John the fourth. Nah not John the fourth….I want him to be his own man.”

What’s one thing that kids nowadays do that pisses you right off?:
“Socialize too much on cell phones and video games instead of playing outside.” He then went into another rant about boyhood and adventuring as a young lad. Ahh, a nice thoughtful reminisce.

What’s the best part of your lifetime subscription to Golf Magazine?:
“I suck at golf, as much fun as it is to get hammered and play, I’m just as bad sober as I am hammered.” That doesn’t address the question, homeboy.

What’s the dirtiest scenario you can think of on the spot only using: a shovel, a 10 pack of Redbull, and your wife’s hot sister?:
“You said 10 pack?” he asks. “In a perfect world, I’d be head over heels in love with my wife and think she’s hotter than the sister, so to get rid of my frustrations I would dig a hole, sell the 10 pack for some weed and smoke it with my wife.” How sweet! The only flaw may be finding a drug dealer who would trade Red Bull for weed, but I like the creativity so we’ll let him have it.

Why do you think you deserve to be Daddy of the Week?:
“I don’t necessarily think I deserve it, a title I still don’t quite understand. I guess I try to be a nice guy.”

Why should people read The Black Sheep?:
“People should read more in general, but tbs is a cool blog made my students at VCU. Plus it would be a cool place to start writing if you wanted to be a writer.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself!

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.