7 Things You Fool Yourself into Believing About Virginia Tech

author-pic at Virginia Tech  

Of course your major will lead you into a career with great job security and duh, waking up for an 11 a.m. is definitely much easier than waking up for a 9 a.m. and yes these are all lies that have come straight for your mouth –much like these lies that we tell ourselves everyday about Virginia Tech:

7.) We Are Better, Less Spoiled People Than Everyone at UVA:
Chances are, you grew up beside someone who now goes to UVA. Hell, your moms probably forced you two to play together so they could enjoy their mimosas without being accused of child neglect. Take a walk through the parking garage. They have the same shiny BMWs and Mercedes Benz their daddies gave to them in the UVA parking garages. The cold, hard truth is we are no better than they are.

6.) Our Parties are Better Than Radford’s:
Okay true, someone did burn a couch two years ago after a VT football win but, depending on your ideology of the treatment of farm animals, Raddy can throw down. Radford tends to be the place where all rules get thrown out the door while a few kegs get smuggled in through the window. Crazy shit goes down when Radford is in its prime form.

5.) Everyone in Blacksburg is Super Polite:
For the most part, this statement is true. But there are a select few of you who are quite possibly the rudest people on this planet. For example: those of you who believe that it’s acceptable to physically manifest yourself into class with snot dripping from your nose and a fever in your noggin just so you can complain to your friends about how shitty you feel. That right there is downright disrespectful. Keep your germs to yourself please.

4.) Your “What’s A Hokie?” Shirt is Not Cool and You Shouldn’t Wear It… Ever:
Here’s the thing Hokies, you cannot sit there and tell us that you never got ridiculously excited about being a college student. You also cannot tell us that you did not wear that shirt almost religiously the summer before your freshman year. We were gifted that t-shirt. We are broke as hell. We are going to wear that damn free t-shirt.

3.) Gucci Kroger is Better Than Ghetto Kroger:
A few problems with this statement: 1.) One is a Kroger; 2.) The other is also a Kroger. Therefore, what the heck do you mean one is better than the other? You can buy the same toilet paper and boxed wine from Ghetto Kroger that you can from Gucci Kroger.

2.) Newman is a Prime Study Spot:
It’s just not. There’s too many people, too many dogs and too many project groups talking about everything that one girl they excluded from their secret GroupMe was saying in their original GroupMe. Newman is far too distracting and even that weird guy sitting behind you knows that you’ve spent the past 20 minutes watching old SNL skits.

1.) Virginia Tech Looks Like Hogwarts:
We highly doubt you’ve ever been to the *actual* Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Whatever, but we can assure you that we have because The Black Sheep basically has special security clearance everywhere. We can also tell you that Virginia Tech, in fact, does not look like a mythical castle in god-knows-where wizarding land. So stop saying that, it’s not true. Tech is way cuter.

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