7 Ways to Avoid WMU Midterms

author-pic at Western Michigan University  

Well, we’ve come to that time of year where the weather gently pats us on the back with warmth and sunshine, only to then have school immediately proceed to slap us in the face with midterms. Cursed, cursed midterms. How can you possibly escape this bullet to the kneecap of your precious grades? Glad you asked.

7.) Hide in Miller Fountain:

One way you can avoid those midterms is by hiding (like the genius you are) in Miller Fountain! Plus, if you hide well enough, you could stay in there until finals and have the added bonus of drowning yourself when they put the water back in. Don’t worry about the fine, they can’t charge you if you’re dead!

6.) Become an amphibian:

We have a beautiful lake right outside of the Valley Dining Center just for this purpose! Take a hint from the turtles that inhabit the lake, and just float around. Have you ever seen a turtle taking a midterm? Hell no! That would be ridiculous! It may take a couple thousand years for you to actually evolve into one of our shelled friends, but the results will be more than worth it.


5.) Ride the Bronco statue to safety:

Did you really think that the Bronco statue outside the Rec Center was just decoration? All you have to do is buy the magic pixie dust from the strange man on the corner, take a big sniff, and ride it off into the sunset! You may feel a bit euphoric…but don’t worry, that’s a natural reaction.

4.) Live in the sewers:

Living in the sewers is a practical and efficient way to avoid midterms. Just head to the rock garden across from the Chem Building and you’ll find easy access to all of the labyrinthine depths you could possibly desire! Maybe while you’re there you could hoard some interesting rocks so you can appear as a friend to the sewer people.

3.) Become one with the whale:

The Whale has been guarding WMU’s campus for who knows how long. And it’s as big as it is because students, in their time of need, have merged with the whale to save themselves and give fealty to our whale lord. Just tuck up nice and close, close your eyes, and bring some camouflage!

2.) Become art:

If you go behind the Lee Honors College, you’ll find the rocky remains of two other stressed students who, just like you, once sought refuge from midterms. Just choose your pose, get comfy, and wait a couple hundred years. Midterms will never bother you again!

1.) Walk on the ‘W’:

If all else fails then walk under some ladders, break some mirrors, and just go stand on the ‘W’! It will be so much bad luck that you surely won’t survive the week; that is, of course, unless you’re so unlucky that the universe decides that you deserve to suffer through your midterms.

At this time of year, it’s only natural to be a bit on-edge. Just follow these simple guidelines for dealing with midterms, and nothing will stand in your way for world conquest.

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