U of I Springfield Dissects Lincoln in Attempt to Get Medical School Attention

 

UIS decided to finally do something about always being forgotten about. If a new College of Medicine is the new hype, then UIS is going to get in on it by dissecting the body of Abraham Lincoln.

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Engineering Student Who Only Has Experience in Lincoln Logs Upset He Didnt Get Job

 

Picket, who applied to the program without having completed even one semester of university schooling, said he can’t believe they denied him.

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Beckman Sends Football Team to Rooms to 'Think About What They've Done' During Off-week

 

As some of the football players are having a harder time thinking about what they’ve done, Beckman has been going to great lengths to ensure as many privileges are taken away to guarantee complete and total focus. 

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Study Shows Brief Eye-Contact With Stranger Confirms Every Self-Doubt You've Ever Had

 

Although the university study showed no signs of immediate physical harm or death due to having brief eye contact with a stranger, it did show dramatic effects on life after contact.

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Student's Best Friend Hospitalized With Broken Screen

 

“I got pretty drunk and dropped her right on the sidewalk,” Lowrey remembered, wiping away tears from her eyes. “I can’t even describe how bad I feel right now. I never meant to drop her.”

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Top 10 Ways to be a Barn Dance Bitch

 

Yeah, yeah, we’ve all heard the whole “basic bitch” shtick and how they’ve been taking campus by storm one BuzzFeed article at a time. But now that the fall is nearly in full swing, let’s shift our attention to a bitch that’s… a little more seasonal, if you will.

 

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