Freshman Journalism Major Still Trying to Awaken from Northwestern Rejection Nightmare

 

When campus police interrogated the student regarding his breakdown, Quinn revealed that he still hasn’t awoken from his ongoing nightmare of getting rejected by his dream school, Northwestern University.

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Illini Football Team Set to Play Another Season of Football

 

“If Youngstown State is out there reading this, you’d better look out, because we really want to win this one.” 

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Checking Out the New UGL Carpet Upgrade

 

When the Undergraduate Library announced it was getting new carpet, students nodded in approval and moved on to get their coffee at Espresso Royale.

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Dry Rush Resulting In Geed Pledge Classes

 

With the Interfraternity Council enforcing the social alcohol ban more than ever, the drinking at rush events has dropped significantly, because no fraternities ever break any rules. However, there has been a side effect that nobody saw coming and could permanently change the Greek community forever.

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SORORITY OPINION: School Should Be Postponed Until After Recruitment

 

"Anyways, recruitment is happening at the same time school is happening. Is that a joke? Am I an octopus? Can I be in eight different places at the same time? Didn’t think so."

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Students Drop Harsh Reality from 309 Rooftops

 

A University of Illinois student was internally injured Tuesday evening after a harsh dose of reality was dropped from the twenty-third floor of a 309 apartment balcony and fell to the north Green St. sidewalk.

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