Illini Football Team Back on Track after Successful Sabotage by Former Coach Zook

 

According to several other onlookers, the poorly-disguised Zook waited a few moments before carrying out what he kept exclaiming as his “diabolical plan to restore Illinois’ sanctified disgrace.” 

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BS Pro Tips: Traveling Across the Quad

 

A standard fare trip across the Quad can take anywhere between 5-7 minutes. Follow these tips, and you’re sure to be the first one seated in lecture, you little nerd, you.

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Drunk Interviewz: Anything but Illini Football

 

The two girls interviewed, let’s call them Sara and Ann, were – as the name suggests – completely drunk when this interview occurred. They received and read two articles about the first two Illini Football games. Then, they put the articles aside and were asked to recount what they recalled about the games (either from the articles or personal experience).

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Opinion: New Laws Needed to Control Campus Jag-offs

 

Last year, the University of Illinois implemented a smoke-free campus policy, making it illegal to smoke tobacco on campus property. This is one man's opinion about said law and the consequences. 

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Drinking Game: Salaita Shots

 

Are you team Ben or Jerry? LC or Kristin? Salaita or Wise? The Steven Salaita drama is starting to become so yesterday. To endure the battle over free speech on campus, battle your liver by turning the Salaita mess into a drinking game.

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The Black Sheep Investigates: What Really Happened to Those Students from the First Week of Class?

 

What happened to all those sweaty, disgusting classmates of yours from the first week of classes? Our crack team of sleuths investigated the possibilities of where they all went.

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