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How to Survive the Next UCF Blackout

UCF forgot to pay the light bill, again, causing the main campus to experience a power outage. Instead of spending your time idly, the next time UCF blows your tuition money and forgets their responsibilities, here are 9 things to do on campus during a power outage.

9.) Read a book:
Relax, you’ve probably experienced a power outage at least once in your life before. Spend this time to detox and read that book that you promised you’d finished. There isn’t someone standing behind your curtains with a knife, we promise…or is there?

8.) Light a candle:
Although it’s against the rules to have candles lit in on-campus housing, your RA is bound to make an exception due to the circumstances, right? Either way, you’ll feel much better knowing there isn’t actually someone with a knife behind your curtain.

7.) Pull out your Ouija board:
If the candles stop working and you’re feeling restless, try contacting your ancestors. Ask them if they’re proud of you. When they tell you that they could never be proud of someone that spends more time at the Knight’s Library than the actual library, move onto the next step.

6.) Cry:
It probably feels like it’s been a lifetime since the power has gone out. Reflect on all the bad choices you make on a regular basis and cry because you’re probably going to fail your classes. Your roommates won’t judge you, they’re probably crying too.

5.) Attempt to make your own generator:
Now’s the time to stop caring about what your ancestors said, you won’t be a failure. You have an assignment due at 11:59 so now’s the time to save the day by building your own generator. Remember, your phone has internet so get to googling.

4.) Burn the book you were reading earlier for light:
Okay, so the generator didn’t work, and your candle burned out. Let your crazy sink in, burn the book you were reading earlier. Your survival instincts are starting to kick in.

3.) Steal food from Knightro’s or 63 South:
After realizing that you don’t remember the last time you ate (15 minutes ago) your insanity, paired with your will to live, will start to go into overdrive by now. Go rob Knightro’s or 63 South, get all the food you can, and stuff your self up with cardboard pizza. When the war begins soon, you will need to auction off food for supplies.

2.) Ignite a campus wide man hunt:
Your peers will think that you’re just trying to have fun during this dark hour. Little do they know, you’re scoping out the strongest players to protect you during the inevitable campus wide war. You don’t have much to offer physically but you can offer them stale fries from 63 South.

1.) Go to the Arboretum and get in touch with your wild side:
The war hasn’t started yet. Take the time to enjoy the serene atmosphere and practice your battle cries. The lights will have probably turned on by this point, but at least you’re prepared for the next power outage.

Might as well start stock piling canned goods and survival gear now for that next, epic, apocalyptic blackout you just know is coming. Or you know, just show President Hitt how to set up auto-pay on the Duke Energy account. Either or.


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