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Wow! These Two People Tried Finding Parking On UCF’s Campus And Only One Was An Hour-And-A-Half Late To Class

We have all gone through that mad dash to find parking on UCF’s campus before class: Most fail and mindlessly drive throughout Parking Garage while barely missing the other Knights that confuse the parking garage for a go-kart track. 

We followed two students during their morning commute: Lindsey Smith, a well-seasoned senior that cheats the system by parking at a nearby apartment complex and shuttles herself over, and John McMasters, a hopeful sophomore that still believes there is going to be a parking spot available for him in Parking Garage A when he gets to campus.

The Black Sheep accounted for every hour of each of our respectable Knights time at school.

10 a.m.

Lindsey Smith spent a long night at Pub, her fifth night in a row there. Smith has an 11:30 a.m. attendance-based class that she absolutely cannot miss

“Honestly, 10 is early for me. Like honestly, go me for being this responsible!” Smith told us. She then begins her routine of driving from her house to the nearest apartment complex, parking there and taking the shuttle over. “Yeah, it should be like illegal or something to be this smart.”

John McMasters, a lightly-seasoned UCF sophomore who has some hope for humanity left after one year at UCF, is planning on parking in Parking Garage A. McMaster’s 11:30 class is soon, and he’s already stuck in that pesky University/Alafaya intersection after dodging three bikers jumping in the road. He has yet to reach campus while our friend Lindsey Smith has hopped on the bus and is on her way to campus already. Let’s check in another hour to see their progress.

11 a.m.
Lindsey has long ago reached campus. She has conquered the Memory Mall Starbucks so well that they offered her employment. Smith has also seemingly befriended every single person on campus and has become Miss UCF.

Wow, simply incredible.

Meanwhile, McMasters has reached Parking Garage A and has gone through all five floors without avail.

He also nearly collides with what looks like his former stats professor. This is normal though! McMaster’s hopeful spirit is not damaged yet. After checking the parking app, he tries one more time, only to find that somehow the entire fifth floor is shut down due to a freak accident involving both an Orlando news helicopter and a pretty reckless bird. “You had to be there,” John said. “I didn’t even care about the fifth floor, I was more interested in seeing how that crow battled with that helicopter.”

11:25 a.m.

Five minutes until class. Lindsey is chilling outside of Visual Arts, befriending the college squirrels and wondering if UCF will ever finish their construction outside of VAB. Lindsay calls herself “a modern-day Snow White, really,” and she’s not wrong.

11:30 a.m.
Lindsey is leisurely walking into her class with her third iced coffee of the day and finds the perfect spot to sit in class. It’s a great day for her.

12:15 p.m. 

As he finally sees a car pulling out of their tight parking spot on the third floor of Parking Garage A, McMasters can hear the moans and groans of the cars behind him, but nothing is more exciting than the glorious moment he finds that perfect parking spot, nuzzled cozily in between two shittily-parked trucks.

1 p.m. 
It’s a great day for John, too, since he actually found parking today instead of having to park across campus just to come to class an hour-and-a-half late.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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