NORTH AVENUE BEACH – As the summer heats up and Memorial Day is in the books, drunken feuds between high schoolers on Chicago beaches are on the rise, which has presented the opportunity of a lifetime for Chicago’s North Avenue Beach.
“After videos of the weekend’s brawls at North Avenue Beach have gone viral, the Chicago Park District is teaming up with the WWE to put on a weekend-long event to crown the one, true champion of Chicago’s shorelines,” said Shelley McWilliams, President of Chicago Parks.
The event will feature single matches and tag-team matches. Sponsored by Four Loko, “High School Beach Brawl” will feature the popular malt liquor drink poured into McDonald’s cups to give an authentic feel and atmosphere to the combatants and their peers.
“The event fell right into our laps,” McWilliams said. “Once Vince McMahon called and offered WWE’s help, doing a Pay-Per-View event at the expense of these shitfaced 15 year-olds was a no-brainer. Our department is pretty broke, so this seems like the opportunity to really start raking in the cash.”
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