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The 5 Best Places to Have Sex on Clemson’s Campus

Every semester, over 600 Clemson students take the course Human Sexual Behavior. Attentive young adults learn about menstrual huts, chlamydia, and spongy penile tissue. Students also need to learn some real skeet street knowledge. To pleasure the student body, The Black Sheep has provided the ins and outs of the five best places to have sex on Clemson’s campus.

5.) Cooper Library:

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Homework isn’t always the hardest thing in the library. After long study sessions, students need to blow off steam and release a little cream. For secluded sex, use the first floor. For group sex, try the collaborative chairs on the second floor—hey, those screens provide more privacy than your car window. If discussion of differential equations is distracting, sex it up in the silent zones but keep the dirty talk to a minimum. More than just books are going to be open in this lascivious library.

 

4.) Bulldozers:

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Instead of complaining about construction, let’s put on our hard hats and wreck some balls. Bulldoze your lover in a bulldozer. Use the bucket for missionary style or cab for cowgirl. Wear a toolbelt of sex toys, like a dildo drill or screwdriver vibrator. Because of the loud noises, construction zones are great for screamers: pile drivers drown out your pile driving, and jackhammers muffle your jackhammering. Be sure to get some oil to minimize the discomfort, though. Safety first!

3.) Fike: 
Gyms are perfect for co-ed copulation! Your moans of ecstasy will fit right in with the grunting. For those who enjoy the classics, put your cap on and go for a sex swim in the pool. Diving in headfirst will make some quick waves. For the more adventurous, try hooking a sex swing to the Climbing Wall; it’ll be the only time in which you enjoy being stuck between a rock and hard place. But remember, if you fool around at Fike, be responsible and clean up your bodily fluids with a complimentary towel.

2.) Reflection Pond:
Take a night off from the library to shred your clothes as your run toward the water while tossing your shirts, bras, and panties at lucky onlookers. Get freaky on a float or straddle a noodle together. You don’t want to lose sight of your partner’s bits in the murky water, so be sure to wear goggles. For extreme underwater fantasies, you can even try a snorkel!

 

1.) Death Valley:

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Rub Howard’s Rock before you rub one out. Then run down The Hill naked to get that blood pumping from your helmet to your jock-strap. It’ll be the most exciting 25 seconds of your life experienced on a football field, besides when Boogie maybe made eye contact with you after a TD. When you’re pumped up enough, go fuck at the 50-yard line. Before you call an audible in a spirit of spontaneity, know in advance if your wide receiver knows that route. Finally, when you see an opening, rush the end zone. Touch down!

No longer will you have to hold off on the horizontal mambo because you’re on campus. When the urge hits you, go hit it at one of these places. There’s your dorm or apartment, but novelty and nutting go hand in hand. Wherever you do the dirty, make it count and go all in.and out.

 

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