Despite having a SECOND Heisman-worthy season, Deshaun Watson nearly missed the elusive trophy once again. He did everything he could on and off the field, but Lamar Jackson, being on the shittier team who lost to Clemson, stood out more, or something. We don’t really know, all we know is that Baeshaun is our boy, and feel like the odds were stacked against him. What more could Deshaun have done to win the Heisman? It must be a few of these things:
5.) Rescued a Litter of Puppies Upon Every Touchdown:
If Deshaun wanted a real shot at winning this trophy, every trip to the endzone should’ve ended with him running through the tunnel, into a burning apartment, and emerging back with a wicker basket full of pug puppies.
4.) Thrown for a Completion Average of 110%:
That’s right, Deshaun should’ve completed more throws than he actually threw, because that’s how math works. Don’t think about it too hard, or you’ll start to think about how Lamar lost the last two games of the season for Louisville and how they’re barely in a bowl game that matters while Clemson is competing for the ‘ship oh god our brains are already hurting.
3.) Been More of a Dickhead to the Media:
Deshaun is an all around nice guy, team player and is respectful to the media and everyone around him. He understood the media’s need to cover Lamar and that’s probably why he won. So to win over a few southern and flyover states, Deshaun should’ve gained more media coverage by being a dick. Nice guys always lose, so says me to myself about every girl who’s never dated me :(.
2.) Thrown Passes and Then Caught Those Passes:
Even though Deshaun was often the leading passer AND rusher in many games, Deshaun should’ve upped the ante by throwing the ball 60 yards downfield, then running and cactching that ball to score. He’s probably kicking himself he didn’t think of this earlier, but hey, hindsight is 20/20.
Actually, who cares. Lamar can take a bath and give little kisses to the Heisman while Deshaun marches down the field towards the National Championship… Lamar can tuck the Heisman into his racecar bed in his garbage Louisville apartment while Deshaun gets drafted to the NFL before him. Look at the long list of NFL greats who didn’t win the Heisman, and you’ll know this only makes Deshaun hungry for more, and we’re about to see him kick some serious Buckeye ass soon.