Ain’t Patty’s Day, Clemson’s annual spring bar crawl, was this past Saturday. Drunken bathroom friendships were formed, cheap-ass drinks were bought, and plenty of bad decisions were made on this holy day. In case you missed it, here is the play by play:
Part 1 — Shirts:
You can’t get in the mood for Ain’t Patty’s Day without ordering an event t-shirt! The anticipation of waiting for it to come got us hyped for a day full of drinking; with this garb we would undeniably fit in with the rest of the bar crawl attendees… even if the shirt was from last year, or the year before, or the year before that.
Part 2 — Pre-Gaming (with Food):
It’s a novice, nay, idiotic move not to set aside some time to eat before the bar crawl. You gotta get your body ready for the day by eating a big meal before heading downtown. Seriously, drinking starts at noon, so if you don’t eat you may as well count yourself out for the night by 4:00 PM. We went with greasy foods for maximum drinking efficiency.
Part 3 — The First Bar:
i.e. Overcrowded and overwhelming. At this point in the day we weren’t even tipsy enough to enjoy the mediocrity that was this holiday. There were too many people in too small a space spilling their drinks and losing their dignities. Was it even worth it to leave the house?
Part 4 — The Second Bar:
Okay, we were starting to feel it by now. Five dollar personal pitchers? Say no more. We heard three different people say, “Can I have one more Slutty Shirley Temple? I tripped and dropped my other one,” while we stood in line for our drinks.
Part 5 — The Thourth, Fiveth, and Sixenth Bars:
An unmeasurable amount of alcohol was consumed during this period of time.
Part 6 — The Last Bar:
“Scuse me, sorry, we need to get to the bar to order another round of Irish Car bombs,” was the last thing said before a projectile vomiting session cleared out TTT’s. Guys were posted up on walls looking for last minute DTF’s to take home.
Part 7 — PTFO:
We walked home happily buzzed after a drunken meal at Todaro’s but exhausted from the day’s work. And that’s the last we can remember from Ain’t Patty’s Day 2018.
Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to the Year in Review episode of our podcast!