Do you ever meet someone on Tinder, but you just message them for months without ever going out? Perhaps they’ve seen your dick but not your personality? Well, here are a few places in Clemson to make that dreaded face-to-face connection.
It’s not Olive Garden and you can’t pay for it electronically, but it still has good pasta. You could easily convince them the place is fancy as hell until they realize the food is actually good and fairly priced for the amount they get. And if your fun buddy doesn’t like pasta, maybe you shouldn’t be bumping your uglies with them. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
4.) Spill the Beans:
Most people use this place to get caffeinated and catch up on work in a quiet environment. But they also sell ice cream here, and do you know what that means? You get to see what your date looks like eating ass. Just kidding. Kind of. But you sure could see how they look with sprinkles in their teeth! There’s something about watching your partner develop a cavity that can really get you going. It’s just an extra hole.
For those of you who are too scared to set high expectations of yourselves, this is the place for you. Are you still convinced that hot person swiped right on you by accident? Well, if they can’t handle you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best, and that’s where Subway comes in. Really charm your partner by getting that combo meal with a $5 foot long, so that maybe later they can get a look at your $2 piggy in a blanket.
2.) Core Dining Hall:
Do you have a date? Do you have a meal plan? Do you have guest passes with that meal plan? Then chances are you don’t have money saved up for groceries and this is going to be your best bet at spending time together without starving. How else are you going to figure out how many curly fries your partner can down in five minutes? When else can you judge their strength if you aren’t able to watch them fight to the death for the last chocolate chip cookie? These things are important.
1.) R3 Parking Lot:
If you want to see how far your partner will travel just to see you, this is the place to be. This parking lot is the whole reason freshmen have such sore asses when they start at Clemson. Plus, you can get an idea of what they’re afraid of. For example, if they’re too scared to walk by a graveyard to get to you, they may not be the one. Because chances are you’re dead inside already considering you wanted to have a date in a parking lot, asshole.
Finding the perfect venue for a date sucks, especially when “Netflix and chill” has been so outlived that you can’t just hang out at your own houses anymore. Relationships have to be public. Haven’t you heard that saying, “If a couple is fucking in public and nobody hears it, did the girl really not orgasm?”
Speaking of Tinder, try out our GIRL POD: