Rebranding Clemson Buildings As Cheap and S****y Alcohol

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Clemson’s campus is full of history and character, each building has a personality of its own — from being old and rickety to shiny and ALWAYS hot af. So, we decided to imagine each of your favorite buildings on campus as alcoholic beverages. It’s like astrology, but with booze, from a nice bourbon to shitty beer that tastes like cat piss.

Tillman/Old Main = Aged Bourbon:
Tillman is your classic famous building. It’s the building that everyone associates with Clemson and greets you when you first drive into campus. That’s why Tillman would be a nice aged bourbon. Just a classic go-to drink. Not flashy or exciting, but it’s been around a while and is soaked in tradition.

Fike Recreation Center = Fruit Punch Four Loko:
Fike is where the meatheads go to get swole. You need to have a lot of energy and passion to go do that stuff, which is why Fike is a Fruit Punch Four Loko. A Loko can take you from zero to a hundred really quick. That shit is dangerous. Almost everyone has a good and a bad story with a loko and the same could probably be said about Fike.

Daniel = Sauvignon Blanc:
Daniel houses the French professors offices, so we’re gonna make Daniel a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Side note: why the hell are the walls in there green and pink? That has got to be the worst color scheme ever, besides brown and yellow or garnet and black (*cough* Fuck the Cocks *cough*).

Watt = Sambuca:
Watt is the one of the newer buildings on campus. It has a lot of flashing lights, is expensive, and wants your attention. Just a ton of glass and lights. Just like a flaming shot of Sambuca. Only douchebags would order this drink, because who the hell wants to drink fire? You just crave the attention daddy never gave you, stop it.

Schilletter = PBR:
No one likes Schilletter. The only thing that would possibly make it better is if they sold alcohol. That’s why Schilletter is PBR. Just tastes awful. But even though like PBR it tastes awful it will still get the job done if you get enough of it.

Cooper Library = 3 A.M. Vodka:
Everyone at some point in their time at Clemson will probably have to pull an all-nighter at Cooper. There’s nothing better to help you stay awake than a 3 A.M. Vodka. According to their website, 3 A.M. Vodka is a brand of vodka made from distilled soy with added caffeine, taurine, and guarana. You’d think that mixing alcohol and caffeine would be a bad combo, but so is cramming for an exam in Cooper the night before.

Hardin = Virgin Daiquiri:
Hardin is where the religion major classes are held. So, we’re gonna declare it a virgin strawberry daiquiri. Just like the people you will find here, they can still have a good time, we guess. But, you probably wouldn’t want to bring them to a party.

So, if you want to play a dope campus related drinking game, go to each building and take a pic drinking that building’s signature drink. Then tweet it at our Twitter account, @BlackSheep_Clem and as always tigers, Make America Drunk Again!