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SAD! Clemson CATbus Crashed And No One Got Free Tuition

CLEMSON – Thursday afternoon around 2:15 p.m. a Clemson CATbus suffered a mechanic malfunctioned and veered off the road outside Death Valley, crashing down a staircase. Unfortunately, not one of the 18,000 undergraduate Clemson students buried in financial aid debt was there to get buried under the bus — and free tuition in the process.

“When I heard the crash I was like Oh my god, oh my god, what a tragedy… that I’m not underneath that bus right now,” said junior communications major Taylor Costa. “It was really scary that something like that can happen and no one get hurt. Like, what’s the point of a bus crashing on campus if nobody can benefit from it?” 

As a growing population of college students fall deeper and deeper into debt that will likely not be paid off until they’re 60 or dead, many students are looking for a way out. Free college tuition is off the table from a government-standpoint, so where else do to look besides stepping into the path of a malfunctioned CATbus careening down a staircase? 

“From where I’m standing the only way out of my college debt is death or get hit by a university bus, so I’ll definitely be crossing my fingers that this happens again,” said senior James Morgan. “Plus, I know it’s not super stressful right now, but come midterms I’m going to be like, really hoping for that bus to take me out of my misery. Maybe not death, per se, but like a good broken femur will get me out of at least two midterms I think.” 

So be on the lookout for any more malfunctioning CATbusses, fellow Tigers, these things don’t happen every day. 

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