Clemson vs Auburn: Your Week 2 Guide to Talkin’ Shit

author-pic at Clemson University  

Football is back in full swing and the Tigers are 1-0! Clemson easily handled a bad Kent State team and answered a lot of questions people had about the offense. Mainly, it looked pretty damn good. Kelly Bryant seems to know what he’s doing and looked pretty poised out there. That was Kent (not a state) State though.

This week Alabama’s little sister Auburn comes to town and they’re not a half the dumpster fire that KSU was. Here are a few things you should know about Auburn and why this Tiger “rivalry” shouldn’t be a rivalry at all, since the cartoon rendering of their mascot looks like the artist behind Popeye smoked meth and threw up on a canvas. They are the worst tiger of all the tigers in college football, but we digress. Let’s talk some trash.

Auburn
Year founded: 1856
Mascot: Tiger and… war eagle???
All-time record vs Clemson: Auburn leads 34-12-2 but Clemson has won 3 in a row. So yeah.

The Breakdown:
This game should be a fun one. Both teams are highly ranked and often rely on high-powered offenses. Auburn will be looking to avenge last season’s loss to Clemson while Clemson is trying to win its fourth in row over the fake Tigers. Oh yeah, plus it’s at home and at night. Nothing compares to a night game in Death Valley.

Nothing even comes close. Now that the game’s been built up let’s tear down the opposing fan base.

Oh Auburn. Sweet, sweet Auburn. It’s got to be rough living in the shadow of arguably the greatest college football program of all time. Maybe that’s why they have two mascots. Overcompensation. Somebody needs to tell Auburn they can’t have two mascots. Shocking people from Alabama can’t count right? Although to be fair people from Alabama probably make the same joke about people from SC. At least neither of us are from Mississippi. So anyway, apparently back in the day they were the Tigers and some eagle flew over the stadium and died during a game they won and they adopted that second name after the win. Sad! They just love to shout war eagle at each other too. It’s like their version of hello.

“Fun” facts about Auburn:
John Heisman (yes Heisman trophy guy) coached at both Auburn and Clemson. Another fact is Auburn fans are obsessed with throwing toilet paper at trees after wins. That must be a pain in the ass to clean up. Too bad a ‘Bama fan went and poisoned their beloved trees. Yes that’s a true story. The most shocking fact of all is Apple’s current CEO went to Auburn. Yes, Apple not Applebee’s, you read that right. Also $cam Newton, notorious NCAA cheater, went to Auburn and was on the last Auburn team to beat Clemson.

Auburn also has some odd similarities with Clemson. Both had coach Heisman as previously mentioned, both usually go after the same recruits, both have orange as a main color, both are state colleges with an emphasis on engineering and agriculture, and both are, for the ‘Bama fans out there trying to read this, tigers. Auburn has even been dubbed by some as Clemson without a lake. So obviously you would want to pick the school with the lake.

Well, our work here is done. Hope you’re ready to party this Saturday because this game is going to be lit. Tune in next week where we’ll take a look at the Cardinals of Louisville. Go Tigers!

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