Clemson is one of the most beautiful in the state. The orange and purple sky cascade against the area’s hills all too perfectly… which really makes you wonder what the hell some of the sculptures on Clemson’s campus are doing there. Several pieces of art on campus raise some serious questions about what drug the artist had to be on to create the piece. Join us, on a magical mystery tour of Clemson’s weirdest statues.
The uh, microscope humanoid thing?:
This first one is best described by a quotation from a sophomore here at Clemson. When asked about the sculpture, his response was “honestly I have been here for two years and still don’t know what the fuck that is.”
Located just across from the campus Chick-fil-A, this sculpture seems as though it really has to take a pee. The artist of this creation was very likely under the influence of hallucination drugs while making this piece, as it seems to tell a story that can only be understood by him. It truly is an object only capable of coming into creation while seeing things that aren’t of this world… He had to be trippin.’
Man on Bench:
Located just outside of Tillman Hall, this is one of the most renowned statues on Clemson’s campus despite it also being by far the creepiest. Sure, you’ll never have to sit on this bench alone, but why is he hogging so much of the bench? It really defeats the purpose of the bench in the first place. You know, one common side-effect of ecstacy is a great sensitivity to touching things, so maybe the artist, fresh of whatever EDM-equivalent concert back in the day, needed a place to go where there was always someone to touch or sit next to and talk for hours on end about nothing.
But then… you sit next to the guy and stare deep into his hallowed, empty eyes:
Who in their right mind would willingly sit next to this guy? What with his cold dead arm now draped over you and his left hand gettin’ a little close to the danger zone. At the very least, unlike the peeing microscope above, this guy’s name was Walter Cox, a former Clemson president and all around great guy. So next time you’re jacked up on molly go hang out with Walter, he’s super chill.
Dr. Seuss would have a blast with our next sculpture, what with its colorful-and-more-importantly WTF? factor. These Seuss looking trees can be found right outside of Core heading up the hill, presumably so you won’t get lost when wandering around campus on whilst high on mushrooms.
This dedication to knockoff boomerangs was supposed to feature said boomerangs all the way down the pole, but the artists fell asleep before it was finished, because like many-a-Clemson student outside Core, he was in need of ADHD medication. There is no doubt that this piece of art took under a day to “finish,” before the artist saw something shiny and had to investigate.
There’s not a ton of weird art on Clemson’s campus, which could be a good or bad thing. Frankly, we think there should be more boomerang tree statues and peeing microscopes on this campus, because weird is good.
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