Going to a Clemson game is a gamble when it comes to seating, and we’re not just talking about the lottery. Where you sit matters in Death Valley, every section has a completely different experiences. Whether it be awesome drunken cries from the Clemson Crazies, or the calm of the WestZone (country) club, all Tigers know the struggle of finding a good seat for a football game. And now that we’re #1 IN THE NATION BABY #BamaBlows #BowlBound, here is a judgmental seating chart of Death Valley in case you are just joining the bandwagon now.
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Also known as Clemson Crazies or formerly Deshaun’s Dothraki, this section boasts students covered in paint and blood from scraping against the front row. Scaly and smelly, these students give 110% every game. Credit they deserve, and credit they should receive, despite the student lottos system boning them hard this year.
3rd and Long Guys:
Arguably the loudest fans in the stadium, selectively. You will find these privileged males scattered around the lower deck, only involving themselves in the crowd noise when the defense is positioned extremely well. They are most easily spotted leaving the stadium at halftime to get drunk. Whenever you slide into a nice seat after halftime—thank the 3rd and Long Guys.
This section is filled with nostalgic bros, singing songs of how he’d be a dominant linebacker in high school football, despite being 35 years old. These guys get good-but-still-on-a-starting-salary seats, and can bee seen chugging the last dregs of Busch Light on their way into the stadium.
Strong Backs, Simple Minds:
Hill seats are for those with strong backs and a simple view of the world… Standing the entire game never sits well, that is unless you’re a freshman.
While demographically diverse, those you find in the upper deck have one thing in common—they’re cheap. With the exception of students that draw the short straw, you can find your average Clemson fan in the upper deck. The recent grad, the guy reading through his program, or the visiting fan all make up this section of the stadium. These guys were only willing to shell out $200 for an upper deck ticket for the Louisville game. The fact that they wouldn’t put up $400 to $500 should tell you everything you need to know about them.
Rich People Country Club:
Life ain’t bad in the WestZone, where fans spend 1/2 the game dining on fine food temperature-controlled rooms away from all the riff raff outside. You would too though, don’t lie.
These Coach John Does typically roll in from suburbia in their Lexus SUVs to fill the section right behind our players. Slowly but surely, the section will fill up with Nike visors, khaki shorts, dry fit Polos and an average blood alcohol level of at least 0.08. When the offense is having success you’ll hear a low mumble of shit-shooting, the average conversation being about how awesome their fraternity parties were in ’96. When we’re not having success, this section quietly turns angry and starts verbally questioning the play calling.